John de Ruiter Podcast 301

John de Ruiter Podcast 301

Opening Your Heart: Being Okay with Pain

When: February 2, 2017 @ 1:30pm
The Questioner feels guilty and trapped in her inability to deal with the pain of others. She knows that separating from them or confronting them doesn’t help. John shows her how a simple return to openness and softness of heart allows the cycle of their pain and hers to end… in her.
“It’s only what you deeply, quietly, know within that tells you the truth. What you most deeply know the truth of is openness and softness of heart.”
  • Opening Your Heart: Being Okay with Pain 00:00
Share It
Tweet It
Telegram It
WhatsApp It
Share It
Tweet It
Share It
Tweet It
Telegram It
WhatsApp It

Podcast Transcript

Opening Your Heart: Being Okay with Pain

Q: Good afternoon, sir. My problem is I feel when I go into a negative environment of people, or people with a lot of pain or ego, I feel all of it and then I try to stay away from those people or environments and it’s not always possible because some are friends, family members, and so I don’t know how to deal with it. I might have some of it in me, too, but I see it more clearly when I see it in other people. I think I need help because that’s a big challenge for me.

John: Your being pained by other people’s pain makes their pain worse. For you to be free of your self you need to be deeply, quietly okay within concerning other people’s pain. If you’re not okay with someone’s pain you can’t see that one. It’s only your deep, quiet okayness with the pain of others that lets you see them. Okayness sees. Not-okayness is blind.

When you’re deeply okay with others being in pain, then when someone who is in pain comes to you, they are seen by you despite their pain. They experience being seen regardless of their pain.

Q: I have been dealing with it sometimes by staying away from those people, hurting people also by saying “I can’t handle your negativity.” Then after saying it, I feel guilty and I feel all their pain again. I don’t know if I’m feeling their pain or feeling my guilt, so I go in this cycle again and again.

John: The cycle isn’t real. The cycle ending in you is real. The cycle doesn’t need to end in anyone else: just you.

Q: Yes, it has to end at a deeper level. I ended it at the intellectual level and so that’s why it never ends.

John: You try to be okay with pain and you do that for pain relief, so your okayness with pain isn’t authentic. When it’s authentic you are okay in it, without any focus on results. It isn’t about the results. You are warmly okay, deeply, quietly okay in the midst of pain because that okayness is what is most deeply real to you. That’s what’s true for you.

Q: Yes. How to move out of it?

John: By deeply, not needing to get out of it. Pain is your prison and you are, like love, okay in prison. You have no fight in you about prison. You’re not separating from it, you’re not giving up in it; you’re just sweetly, deeply, quietly, open. Being that open is your deepest reason for living.

Q: Most of the time I feel like I have to resolve everything with people I have hurt, so I have to just let go of those feelings?

John: Which means deeply, quietly, letting go of listening to your self, listening to what you think and feel to tell you the truth. It’s only what you deeply, quietly, know within that tells you the truth.

Q: Because that’s what I don’t know: if it’s the truth or it’s just a mixture of truth and my intellect.That’s where I get stuck.

John: What you most deeply know the truth of is openness and softness of heart. What you deeply know within is to be like this (John opens his hand) instead of being like this (John closes his hand) and that’s your life – your real life.

Q: Yes, yes. So that means I don’t know how to open so far.

John: You know how to open. You open when you lie down. You open when your head reaches the pillow. You open when you’re hungry and you eat, you’re thirsty, and you drink. You open when someone smiles to you. You open when someone’s kind to you. When you feel good in your body and in your self, you open. When you don’t feel good in your body and in your self, you don’t open. It isn’t because you’re not able to. It’s because you live taking to heart what you feel instead of taking to heart beingness that you most quietly know within.

Q: Thank you.

Leave a Response:

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.

John de Ruiter PODCASTS

on This Topic

505 – Awakening to the More of You

Having been raised in a male environment, this person longs for more of the feminine qualities he’s now coming to know. As he speaks with John, it becomes clear that a shift in his relating is all that’s required.

504 –

This conversation zooms in on the micro-movements of awareness in form, and how it can choose between the addictive power of illusion or the healing power of oneness.

503 – The Integration of Sexual Energy: No Longer Using or Resisting Its Power

John responds to a woman who has begun to fear her sexuality when it comes up around others, knowing that her way of controlling it isn’t true.

502 – No Longer a Victim of Your Sensitive Self

Others’ anger in his relationships or at work always leaves this person feeling hurt and guilty. Why is this, and how can he live with his super-sensitivity?

501 – Parenting with Clarity: How to Say ‘No’ to Your Child

How do you say “no” to a child in a way that doesn’t feel restrictive and frustrating? John shares the magic of the “no” that is full of “yes” … a clarity that opens a child to its deeper resources of goodness and love.

500 – The Way of Love: Giving Permission for Deep, Inner Change

“You’re naturally coming into what many people spend a lot of time and a lot of money on, without result: profound awakening.” John speaks to a person experiencing the fear and vulnerability of deep, inner change.

Get the latest news

Subscribe To Our Newsletter