605 – The Cost of Cutting Yourself Off from Others
How can you be around people you care for, but don’t agree with? Dissociation only manifests more separation, and John shares how to stay connected.
John de Ruiter Podcast 502
John de Ruiter Podcast 502
No Longer a Victim of Your Sensitive Self
When: October 28, 2012 @ 7:00pm
Topics: Feelings & Emotions, Introductory
Others’ anger in his relationships or at work always leaves this person feeling hurt and guilty. Why is this, and how can he live with his super-sensitivity?
“You need to use your sensitivities from within what you are in your heart. That has you being a heart with a self of sensitivity.”
- No Longer a Victim of Your Sensitive Self 00:00
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Podcast Transcript
No Longer a Victim of Your Sensitive Self
Q: In my life I deal a lot with guilt. If someone is angry, or something in the job doesn’t go good, there’s a problem, then I always believe it’s my fault and I feel it in my heart.
John: That’s unintegrated sensitivity. You’re sensitive. Instead of you in your self being carried by your sensitivity because of what others do to you, you take responsibility for your sensitivity. You carry your sensitivity.
The sensitivity in your self doesn’t belong in your heart. You let the sensitivity in your self be in your heart, so when someone reacts against you or speaks strongly to you, you hurt in your heart and you take it in your heart as your own heart being wrong. The sensitivity that you have in your self doesn’t belong in your heart. Don’t bring it into your heart anymore.
The sensitivity in your self belongs in your hands and in your arms. It is a power of yours that needs to be taken care of. If you’re not using that power, you’re not taking care of it. The sensitivity needs to be in your use. You need to use it. You need to use your sensitivities from within what you are in your heart. That has you being a heart with a self of sensitivity.
As a heart you’ll be exercising that sensitivity. The sensitivity then gains strength and usefulness to a heart that isn’t needing such sensitivity. The sensitivity in your heart comes from your relationship, as awareness, in your heart, with what you know in your heart, and it is with such beingness that you then move and use and exercise the sensitivity that’s in your self.
That has you no longer being a victim of your own sensitivity. When the sensitivity in your self isn’t integrated by you, then as soon as someone else is being hard on you, you use the sensitivity in your self, through the other person’s actions, against your own heart. So then, in your experience from your self in your heart, you are, in your heart, always wrong. Your heart isn’t wrong. Your heart is goodness. The sensitivities that you have in your self are useful to goodness.
Q: I have no idea how to get my sensitivity out of the heart and into the hands, and…
John: You have a really sensitive self. These sensitivities in your self are a highway to your heart that everyone’s treatment of you uses. When someone is kind to you, then in your heart you’re good. When someone is unkind to you, then in your heart you’re bad. With everyone’s actions, you take your self – your sensitive self – to heart.
Q: And this is something I could stop because I know it now.
John: In you knowing this and in you liking knowing this, you’ll be liking growing up. And slowly others, through your own growing up, will not have power over your self anymore because of the kind of heart that you are being in your self, and you are raising your self. You are teaching your self how to be. You are governing the sensitivities in your self by what you know in your heart and no longer by how others treat you.
Q: Okay. I understood. I realize that when this procedure is going on I start to feel sad or to hate the other person. This is maybe because I do something I don’t want.
John: You are holding others, in their treatment of you, responsible for your sensitivity. You are responsible for your sensitivity regardless of how others treat you, whether they’re kind to you or unkind. You hate others when they mistreat you because you are holding them responsible for your loss of control. Your sensitivities are in your control, not in theirs.
Q: Thank you. Now it feels much better.
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