Q: As a woman, I have a very deep sense of what it is to be a woman, and yet I feel that the way that I move, and the way I move with Gunnar, there’s been a real emphasis on my masculinity. And then recently when you’ve been talking about high-level womanness, I think I would love some clarity about this as a woman.
John: In general, the sense and the identity of womanness within women is unearned. The sense of it comes from what you have come into this world with, the body that you have come into. The earning of your own womanness isn’t separate from the coming into and the earning, as awareness, within your own self, of your own being. What forbids the earning of your own womanness and of your own being is the floor in your self protecting the ground in your self, protecting your self from being absorbed and assimilated into your own being.
The floor in your self is established, within, by the use of force, the use of will and emotion in furthering and in establishing what you want and what you need from the perspective of being able to do so: using power because you can. Where there is anything of a little self there will be a floor in your self, a use of self and a confinement of self to a relationship with the use of a will and emotion, the use of unreason and heartlessness. The use of unreason and heartlessness within all of the little things keeps the floor of the little self intact. That floor is most easily threatened by every little thing and most easily re-secured by the use of will and emotion within all of the little things. It is what makes unintegrated womanness masculine.
When there is, through surrender in what you are knowing the truth of in your heart, a letting-go of that floor, the masculinity within the unintegrated womanness is let go of. There is a relating, then, principally from the heart: an openness and a softness of heart and a reasonableness, a reasonableness in the use of mind, emotion and will, enabling a settledness, becoming rested in your heart within a sense of womanness. Without the need of referring to the floor in your self you have ground in your self, ground that includes your heart, ground that includes your womanness.
In having let go of the need of a floor in your self, there is the established sense within, that you know in your heart, of not needing to stand on what you’re accustomed to standing on, letting go of a floor within to have ground within. There is heart and vulnerability. There is basic beingness in having no floor in your self and having ground in your self. It is there that you do, as awareness, begin to integrate the principles of womanness, the principles in having your self within something that is of greater value than your self. There, there is the integration of womanness, the real coming into womanness.
As you come into your own womanness without the need of a floor in your self, there’s knowledge in your heart that you will also not need the ground in your self, the good ground in your self; that as a self, that as a woman, you do not need to have any ground in your self. Within rested womanness there is real knowledge of this. In your surrendering to the sense of that, you’ll be letting go of needing to have ground in your self, letting go of needing to have ground, within, as a woman. In letting go of that ground because of what you know the truth of in your heart, your ground as a self, your ground as a woman begins to heave and to break. It begins to come apart. As it does, the fine level of self remains. Real womanness remains.
As the ground of your self passes away by your own surrender to real knowledge, your own womanness, within, becomes earned. You begin to realize your depth of womanness that isn’t dependent on any kind of ground in your self; the realization that your womanness is actually of your own being. It isn’t even of your self. Your self needs no ground.
Real womanness doesn’t come from your self; it comes from there being no separation between your self and your own being. That enables the reality of the level of self, the level of form that you’ve had your self in, to drop down into the reality of your own being and the reality of your own being to move up, through your heart, into where you have had your self before. The integration as awareness of your own being is also the integration as awareness of your own self. Then you have your self from your being, enabling you to have your being, even from your self. You have the free oneness-access of what you are as a being and what you are as a self.
With the floor passing away there is the end of your little self, the end of masculine womanness. With the end of needing ground in your self there is the end of holding your self, of holding your own womanness; the end of awareness having its identity from within womanness and from within your self. There, there is the beginning of high-level womanness: high-level because it is earned in your not needing to have your self separate from your being any more; high-level womanness because the ground of yours is no longer based on your experience of your self. It isn’t based on your identity as a self or as a woman. Your ground as awareness is in living knowledge, springing up by you as awareness into all of your being, and that into all of your self.
High-level womanness is in you as awareness having your own being in your self. Your blood is the life of your body. Within high-level womanness all of your being is the life of your self, all of it moving through your heart, all of it moving through openness and softness of heart, having presence in your body. Then you are, through your own integration, meaning, aware, that has a being, and with that as a self and with that as a body. You have all of your forms with no need of separate floors. You are the movement of meaning throughout all of your forms, the presence of that having need of nothing.
As that, you meet with him. You find him in all of his forms. All meeting is for the communion of the two, each having no need of floors: a communion of real knowledge found in each other, made with each other.
Your whole body is your whole heart in this. Embodiment of meaning, embodiment of real knowledge, embodiment of a being, embodiment of a self that is able to move as a being, meeting with another. The two, making choice and decision, as all of this to completely belong together, learning how to be and move on unseen levels as one. Having each other all the way through, straight through to what you first are. Having each other, completely, as meaning. Having not at all a floor or even ground separating your self from your being, and having not anything of a wall or a membrane held between the two of you. Where the need of it isn’t there, the reality of it will not be there. Having each other all the way through is having unmitigated access into each other.
High level womanness in each of you is the real integration and earning, through your heart, of your own being. High level womanness in each of you is your own being, gender-free, having your self, integrating all of its gender; all of this in you as awareness surrendering, within, to realizing what you first are, and through the loss of your floor and your ground coming from what you first are into all of your forms.
For this and in this you have come together to be in relationship. Your real sexuality is the power of all of that. Give that a floor and it loses all of its ground.
The two of you together, together as meaning aware, all the way through, from your being to your body.