Q: My question is how can I keep on growing my awareness, that it be there continuously in my life?

John: Concerning what you’re knowing, within, be all in. Be all in without the use of anything. As soon as you use something to be all in, that part that is in use is not in. You cannot use your person to be your self. You cannot use anything of your self for you to be what is deeper, within, than what your self is. The only way to fully and completely go deeper, within, is, concerning your knowledge of the truth of that, for you as awareness to be all in.

If there is to you as awareness a hundred of you, if 99 of you are really in what you’re knowing the truth of that is all deeper than your self, and if there is just one of you that believes and is interested in the use of your mind to help the other 99 of you to enter what is deeper within than what thinking is, then you have no access. If just for one of you the game of awakening and going within is interesting, then you can have no access.

Anything that you have awakened to in the past was to your credit in the past and is no longer to your credit. It doesn’t matter how much you have awakened if you are not now awakening.

Q: I did ask one of my teachers a similar question of what holds me back and he said maybe you don’t want. How does that fit into what you say which more or less means you don’t have to want; you shouldn’t want.

John: If you shouldn’t, you will. There are many things that can stand in the way and, if you need it to be, they’ll be endless. If you are getting things out of the way, finding them and moving them out of the way, then it will be to that kind of work … horror upon horrors to find the last one … because then the work is over.

If you’re not reaching what you most long for, then you’ll make what you most long for most elusive. Your first ability is to be the deepest of what you know. If you’re not reaching that, then don’t use any of your other abilities to be it.

You’re not meant to take your whole life to reach this. You’re meant to build with your whole life upon this. As long as you are not reaching this, reaching this first, then you are in some way using your abilities in waste of your life. What you are most deeply longing for is not only what you, as awareness, completely belong to, but your life also.

You can only really get to it now. If you get to it tomorrow, you will find more of yesterday. Your future is completely determined by your past unless there is in you, as awareness, a profound shift now.