Excerpt from a dialogue with John de Ruiter on February 19, 2016
Q: For a long time I have felt defeated in some way by my self and wanting it to be different. I would like your help to avoid getting so triggered, and to stay in my heart.
John: Deeply surrender to using no negative phrasing within your life, inside and out.
Q: I’ve been thinking about being more positive, but that feels like pretending.
John: Not positive; just not negative. If you are positive instead of being negative, you’ll fool your self. Just simply not negative. That exposes your self.
Q: So what would that look like in my life?
John: That you won’t say anymore what you don’t like; that you won’t anymore validate the feelings of not liking something.
Q: But wouldn’t I still have those feelings?
John: And you’ll give those feelings no voice and no movement, without replacing them with the positive.
Q: What do I replace them with?
John: Being quieted. There is the difference between you and your self. You can say what you do like because that often and easily puts you into your heart. Just no longer say what you don’t like.
Q: So if I’m in the midst of feeling negative about something should I just not say anything?
John: Not even on the inside. If you say it on the inside, you’ll say it on the outside. Give it no voice and no movement. The easiest is when you give it absolutely nothing, not even a speck.
Q: In order to do that, I need to be coming from what I really am.
John: Yes, which means that any time you have a negative feeling, that’s your cue to drop deeply within into surrender. The deep surrender to being quieted within, when any negative feeling comes up, puts you into what you really are. Replace the negative with the positive and you engage your self. You make what you’re experiencing all about your self.
Q: What if I’m in a situation where someone has done something to me that isn’t right? I feel justified in feeling negative about it.
John: Be quieted within instead of being right.
Q: So I don’t have to fix anything, just me?
John: There’s nothing to fix in you.
Q: Just to change where I’m coming from.
John: Being you instead of being your self, yes. Being you is uneventful. Being your self is all about what you like and what you don’t like, but mostly what you don’t like.
Q: If there’s a situation where I think there’s something I need to resolve, I should first come from me and then resolve the situation?
John: And forego resolving things if it means leaving you.
Q: It seems inevitable that I’m going to fall a lot.
John: And when you do, let it be without a negative word or movement about it.