Q: We've spoken about sexual lameness, and I know the truth of that. I’ve lived in fear of being a woman. At about three years old, I saw someone with very large breasts, and I prayed to God that I wouldn't grow up like that. I’ve given a lot of my energy to being androgynous, but I do really want to be a woman. When I meditate, I can feel the power I could have as a woman. It’s so much more pure than the energy I put into androgyny, which is exhausting. But as soon as I stop meditating, I turn back into the fear. I don’t know what it takes to be a woman in today’s society, but I want to get beyond the fear.
John: Cleanness. Cleanness is what is required to be a woman.
Q: I get that part because that is what I’m experiencing when I’m meditating. But my brain takes over when I’m not doing that, and it feels so heavy. How do I carry that into my daily life?
John: By not existing in your daily life for survival. Real womanness is something that is beyond survival.
Q: So would that mean that I’m surviving as a woman, or I’m just surviving?
John: Trying to survive. Needing to survive separates you from a very tender femininity. Needing to survive or identifying with survival will make you masculine.
Q: How do those two go together?
John: Real womanness is beyond relating to survival. Relating to survival distorts your womanness. When you relate to survival, that brings in a hardness of heart. Womanness becomes more masculine: womanness being the strength that it knows it is not.
The actual strength of womanness is transparency. Transparency doesn’t relate to strength; it relates to realness. Realness is beyond survival. Real femininity is secure in transparency.
As soon as you either use your sexuality or neglect your sexuality, that makes you more masculine. Being within your sexuality without needing to use it, without relating to it as a power to use, brings in real femininity. Being quieted, even while being transparent, allows your womanness to come through.
Q: I think I get that.
John: When you use your sexuality or neglect it, that would make anyone sexually lame.
Q: I know how to be transparent the masculine way, but I don’t know how to be transparent the feminine way.
John: Being transparent in a masculine way is you using being transparent. Being transparent in a feminine way is you being transparent without needing to use it.
Q: Okay. Will that take me out of survival?
John: Relating to survival makes you coarsely masculine. Relating to the using of power and having an appetite for power makes you coarsely masculine. Not needing to use your power for your self allows real femininity to come through.
Real femininity doesn’t relate to the need of using power. When you relate to survival, you’ll relate to needing to use your power. When you relate to survival you become a controller.
Q: I see how all of that ties together, now. I’ve been doing that since day one, pretty much. That clarifies for me how what I felt were a lot of branches are actually one.
John: To become truly androgynous you would have to integrate tenderness and gentleness.
Integrated masculinity is gentleness. Integrated femininity is tenderness.
