Q: I want to finish the spiritual searching. I want to know who I am, and I don’t know how to do it.

John: Your thinking, your feeling, your will, and your emotions are forms that you have within your interior enabling you to do. As awareness, you can move in these forms. Whatever you are being within these forms reflects in the quality and the depth of the thought or the feeling, your use of will or emotion. That quality and depth of you, as awareness, comes from what you are being in your heart in the midst of what you are doing within your internal forms.

Your beingness…what you, awareness, are being in your heart…registers as you opening and softening or closing and hardening. As you, awareness, close and harden, it’s that kind of beingness that closes the door to your being, but as you are opening and softening in your heart, the door to your being opens and softens.

Openness and softness is a movement of the most surface level of your being. When you are opening and softening in your heart, you are being the same as your own being. It’s that openness and softness that gives you, awareness, access to your being.

Opening and softening in your heart is independent of anything that you’re doing within your interior that has to do with thought or feeling, will or emotion. The openness and the softness is what brings about the depth and the quality of your doing. What you are being in your heart determines the depth and the quality of what you’re doing in your self and with your self.

What you really are has nothing to do with a doing. What you really are has nothing to do with your self. It has nothing to do with your life. It has nothing to do with your understood powers. What you really are is directly reflected in openness and softness; not openness and softness in your self as a behaviour, but openness and softness in your heart. You, awareness, are able to open and soften in your heart without addressing or changing anything in your self or in your life. For you to soften within and open, nothing needs to be healed first. Nothing needs to be looked at first. It is just you, in the midst of anything, opening and softening in your heart.

Your heart is the door to your being. Whatever you are being in your heart determines what is taking place with that door. When you are opening and softening in your heart, you, awareness, are returning to being in relationship with your being.

Openness and softness of heart is your only way home, within. When you are, as awareness, honest to what you know in your heart, what you know isn’t a thought or a feeling; what you know has no information in it about your life. What you know is a direct, immediate beingness. What you know is the truth of opening, you opening in your heart. Opening and softening in your heart is the only beingness that is true to you. It’s the only beingness that you know the truth of. It doesn’t matter how right you think you are in your self, when you close and harden in your heart in being right, you’re wrong.

When you lie down to go to sleep, what brings you into sleep isn’t any kind of doing. It has nothing to do with you thinking or feeling. It has nothing to do with you using your will or your emotions. When you lie down to go to sleep, the way that you go to sleep is that you, awareness, open and soften.

Your return to your heart is how you come close to sleep. When you open and soften in your heart, your day and your personality pass away. Your past and your self all pass away. As you continue to open and to soften, your heart passes away. As you return to being what you really are, you reach the tipping point of falling asleep. Right at that tipping point, you’re home.

For you to be what you really are in the midst of your self, while you are thinking and feeling and using your will and being in your emotions, is by you remaining in that tipping point, but instead of tipping into sleep you’re tipping into being what you really are in the midst of all of your self, in the midst of the use of your personality, and in all of the activity of your life. There, the door of your heart is simply all open and, as awareness, you have mobility from within the levels of your being all the way through your heart into all of your self and moving in all of your life.

There you are awareness, pure. It’s your continuity within all of your forms. It’s the connectivity of the most profound and delicate meaning. What you really are is that meaning. That meaning isn’t just what you really are, but it’s also how you move. It’s your life in the midst of all of your life; it’s your real life in the midst of your understood life.

You being that isn’t dependent on any of the powers that you’re accustomed to in your life. It isn’t dependent on your intellect. It isn’t dependent on an understanding. It requires no learning. It isn’t subject to a process. It comes by you, awareness, relaxing.

As you relax…not your person or your self, just you…as you relax, you open and you soften. As you open, you see differently. You don’t see through your accustomed powers. You don’t see with the use of your self. When you open, you see as beingness. When you soften, you love.