Q: Hi, John. I don’t really have a question but I will ask something. I feel like this life is not for my self.

John: It’s lovely for you that you’re aware of that.

There are regions, within, that your life is for and that your life does belong to, the last of which is your self…even though it is understandably within your self that there is the strongest pull, the most superficial pull. It is where you have most of your form. Every region, within, that’s deeper than what your self is has less form, so then understandably less of a pull, less to grab your attention. The deeper the region, within, that is of you, the less the pull and the more subtle the voice with which it speaks. It is so quiet, within, that such regions, within, are most easily overlooked. It won’t be competing for your attention like a demanding person would.

The only way that it has your attention, as awareness, is if such a delicate region within has something of your heart. When you are attentive, as awareness, with your heart, then such delicate regions within have your attention. The deeper the region within, the less seeing, if any, you’ll have; the less understanding, if any, you’ll have. The deeper regions within appeal to your knowing, as awareness, often with just a very delicate and a very small amount of resonance, just enough that has you knowing that it is within.

It won’t be offering you an understanding. It won’t be offering you a life. It will not be offering you excitement. It promises nothing to you other than that it is deeper than everything else of yours, and that to your own knowing it matters more than everything else of yours. When your own beingness is even just a very little bit similar to the deepest resonance, within, then this region, within, begins to pull on your heart. You begin to ache in your heart for something, within, that you cannot see and cannot understand but that you are knowing is worth more than everything, and it is to that – whatever that even is, within – that your life belongs to.

All you have of that is your knowing of the truth of it. It answers your heart, even one touch of it, in a way that nothing in your self comes even close to. All of it is perplexing within your self because from within your self, from within the perspective of your self and the perspective of your life, there’s no sense to this. The deepest region within offers you no sense, no form, no experience, no seeing. All you have, as awareness, is that you know the truth of it and that the truth of it appeals to the very deepest levels in you.

The only way that you can, as awareness, get to that level within is for you to be something of the same as what it is. You already know, within, that that level within isn’t like your self. What matters from within that level in you hardly matters at all in your self, and what matters to your self seems to not matter at all to the deepest levels within. You’re able, as awareness, to come from the deepest levels within by you, as awareness, surrendering with all of your heart to relating directly to your knowing, your knowing in these levels, and your knowing the truth that they are and that they are really you. They are more you than your self is you.

By surrendering to your knowing that all of this is your within, so that the depths of your own within, the depths of knowing in your own interior, has your heart. It’s when it has your heart, through your own surrender and belief to what you’re knowing, that these depths, these depths of knowing and resonance, have access into your heart. That’s the beginning of your own formless interior coming into form. With your belief in what you’re knowing the truth of, within, your deepest knowing, within, the levels of deepest knowledge, within, come into your own heart and begin to have your heart.

Whatever has your heart has you, as awareness. The more that these deepest regions, within, that you only know are there enter your heart and have your heart, the more that you’ll love what they are because they answer you. They answer you like nothing else can answer you. It has you knowing what you belong to, even though you’re not understanding what that is and you’re not seeing what that is. All you have is that you know the truth of it, and all that it has is you.

Such is the beginning of oneness in form, when such oneness between you as awareness and you in the deepest of knowing come together by your belief and your surrender, this oneness coming together in your own heart, belonging in the midst of your self, completely altering your perspective of your self. It changes your entire view of your life. This heart-oneness gives you perspective within your self and within your life, but it isn’t a perspective of understanding. It is a perspective that you know the truth, within, and that is within your self inexplicable. You won’t be able to communicate it. At most, when it has your heart and when it’s having your whole heart in the midst of your self, it shows subtly in your face and in your eyes, as it does in a baby and as it does in really little children.

The difference in you is that you’re knowing everything that it isn’t, and that you’re consciously aware in it, and that you’ve paid the price, within, of being what that is by surrendering to it. The only real understanding you’ll have is that you have, with awareness, given your whole heart to it, and that you know with all of your heart that it is that, within, that has you, and it is that, within, that you belong to. It is that, within, that you know you first are and that it is becoming the only real pulse in your self, the only real pulse in your life, enabling not just your self to belong to that, but your life also to belong to that; belonging to you from within the deepest regions.

Instead of looking for the light, you’ll know that what you are, within, what has your heart, within, is what all of your light comes from. You are not then even your own light. What you’re knowing is that all of your light is because of the deepest level of you, within, that you’re surrendered to, that you’re one with, that you belong to, and in that you would know that if you were to somehow to lose all of your light so that all is completely dark, within, that what you know the truth of, within, isn’t at all less because of that and isn’t in any way at all gone; that what you really are, within, precedes the light, within; that all of the light, within, is because of that.

This deepest level within offers you, as awareness, no form, no understanding, no seeing. It offers you nothing at all that you can possibly relate to in your self. So from the perspective within your self what it offers you and what it is, is nothing. Yet you are knowing the value of the truth of it. What you’re knowing within is that it is first, and that it is everything. When you are quieted within to the core, what you are knowing of this is that you would rather be what this is in exchange for everything else; that everything else that you have doesn’t compare in meaning and in value; that everything else you have you somehow know, within, comes from this and is because of this and belongs to this, and is nothing at all without your being this. As awareness you belong not to your self, not to your life, not to anything at all of yours that you understand and that has form; that you belong to nothing outside of you that you understand and that has form.

You know, within, that you belong to what has no form, that you don’t understand and you can’t see, and the only thing that that has, that that depth of reality, within, has, is your whole heart. Oneness in form – the beginning of it. There is oneness everywhere, within and without, but it is a oneness that doesn’t have form. For that to have your heart is for oneness to have first form, with that first form existing in the midst of your self, in the midst of the self that isn’t like that, that isn’t like that … yet.

By your being what you are knowing in your heart and belonging to that, belonging to that in the midst of your self, your self incrementally, tiny little bit by tiny little bit, is transformed by what you’re being in it. In that way your self becomes as you are. As your own self becomes a tiny little bit the same as you are, then you’ll have a tiny little bit of heart-understanding – real heart-understanding and real seeing – of what you only knew the truth of before that you couldn’t understand or see.

In this way transformation occurs in your self until you do, in time, become rich in your self of that which you surrender to, within, for nothing: without personal benefit; that your own knowing of the truth within was able to have all of you, all of what you are as awareness, with all of your heart, and that you cared for nothing in return.

In surrendering most deeply, within, as awareness you come into having need of nothing and, as such, wondrous beingness has form and time in your self. You begin to acquire most profound riches within that you were not even looking for; coming into the full fruit of being, with all of the fruits of being, all in your self with real form that you were not even asking for.

So it is most lovely that you are knowing, within, that your life doesn’t belong to your self; that it belongs to what is, as yet, formless.

Q: Thank you, John.