Q: What I experience is some kind of uneasiness inside of me, something very fragile, vulnerable, maybe even traumatized like being without a home inside of my self. On the verge of a nervous breakdown even, sometimes. I’m wondering if this is part of some process I’m in now to break through something that I’ve never made contact with before. It feels very uncertain – frightening, sometimes. I don’t want to flee it. I want to face it. It feels very uneasy lately. Hurt, also. I would like to think that it holds a promise for me, somewhere.
John: It doesn’t hold a promise. What it does hold is your permission. For this to be occurring in your experience, you have given permission. You’ve opened to something that you knew was true and that you didn’t understand. You opened to it in a way that didn’t have conditions. That’s what enabled you to open to it without having understanding first. You knew what you were giving permission to, without understanding what you were giving permission to. That’s what has loosened what has held you together.
With that loosening, you can’t function quite as well. You’re vulnerable in a way that doesn’t make sense in your self. You’re more easily hurt. You’re fragile in a way that you don’t understand the source of. What is changing in you and taking place, that doesn’t offer an understanding, is occurring because you’ve given permission to what you know within, without first understanding, without first understanding what you’re giving permission to.
You gave the permission because you knew deeper than what you’re used to and you knew the goodness of it. With such permission given – and you gave it from within a deeper level in you; you didn’t give it from your self – what has held your experience and your self together will unravel. It will loosen and it will unravel.
That permission holds until you break the permission. The permission given or broken isn’t made with your conscious thinking; it’s made in your heart. In that way, when you open your heart you’re giving permission, and when you close your heart you break that permission.
As uncomfortable and vulnerable as this is for you, you don’t want this to stop.
Q: But it feels also frightening.
John: And it being frightening doesn’t stop you. As frightening as it is, you don’t want it to stop. That is the permission holding. As the permission holds because you in your heart keep opening regardless of the dramatic effects in your self, this isn’t going to stop. The deep in you will keep heaving. When the deep moves up into the surface, it heaves into the surface. The surface isn’t able to stop it or hold it.
You’re coming into what you have most deeply and quietly longed for. Your experience of existence, as you’re already seeing, is going to change for you. As you are okay, within, with weakness being your ground instead of strength, love is going to make its way, and love will become your way. All of the coverings and safeties and protections that you’ve put in place will neither hold nor survive this.
When you give deep permission to freedom, it isn’t your self that is going to be freed; it is your own being that’s going to be freed into your self. That means that there’ll be deep change that is deeply disruptive to your self. What will pass away is all that you’ve held. What survives and lives in its place is what you most deeply and quietly love.
Q: So I only have to jump.
John: You already did. You knew. You responded with permission. You gave permission. You signed up, deeply within, for what you didn’t understand was the jump. You’re not then pushed into the jump. The jump slowly, non-stop, unrolls. Your openness of heart that you remain in, regardless of the difficulty you’re in, is what doesn’t let this stop.
Welcome to the unravelling of your self because of the unrolling of your permission, your “yes.” Your openness to what you know in your heart but don’t understand.
You’re naturally coming into what many people spend a lot of time and a lot of money on, without result: profound awakening.
Q: Thank you, John. Thank you very much.
597 – The Person, the Self and the Being: Identifying the Many Levels of You (Part 1)
Person, self, being … what’s the difference and what is real? Using different analogies, John explains how our different levels connect and shares the code to being what we really are.
596 – Beyond Sadness and Pain: Happy Without a Reason
John reveals the source of the deep well of sadness and pain this person carries, and shares how she can reconnect with her original happiness.
595 – When a Crumb of Truth in Your Heart is Your Home
John responds to a spiritual dilemma: a desperate longing for realization, coupled with the fear of nothingness that seems to come with it.
594 – Fully Present in Your Body, Fully Present in Your Heart
Closing down to the experience of vulnerability can mean dissociating from the body. John shares a simple way to become more present however uncomfortable we feel.
593 – Honest to the Way of Your Heart
An exploration of how honesty and an open, soft heart are connected, taking us ever deeper into the unseen roots we could remain in forever.
591 – The Truth About Compassion
When is compassion self-centred, when is it real, and how can we tell? An exploration of what it means to be truly compassionate.
“My sole purpose is to be, in life, what we are after we’ve died. Through openness and softness of heart and core-splitting honesty at any personal cost, I live as that while actualizing the same in others I meet. I am available as a resource for anyone who recognizes and values this way of being.”
– John de Ruiter
