595 – When a Crumb of Truth in Your Heart is Your Home
John responds to a spiritual dilemma: a desperate longing for realization, coupled with the fear of nothingness that seems to come with it.
Q: Can you explain the truth about death?
John: We’re here for a time and not to stay. Our real bodies are unseen. Our physical body is a temporary body. It’s limited in how long it’s going to last, whereas our unseen bodies, the deeper bodies within, the levels of our being, are permanent. They’re not affected by our physical body passing away. You have a physical body through which to manifest your unseen bodies, within. The opportunity of being in a body is for you to manifest what you really are in all of your being, in the physical. Because it is an opportunity, the time of it is limited.
If you look at the difference between you being in your self and you being in your heart, if you notice what occurs when you shift from your self to your heart center, your sense of your body changes and your sense of reality also changes.
It’s the same when you move from being in your personality to being in your self. With each shift deeper – from your personality to your self and from your self to your heart – you move to what has more permanence from what has less permanence. As you move inwardly, you’re moving toward permanence. As you move outwardly, in your seen forms and levels, you move toward impermanence.
When you’re in your personality, you know that there is what is deeper, within. When you respond to that, you come into your self. The awareness of your personal interior as you’re in your self, as soon as you’re quieted even a little bit, you’re aware that there is deeper. As you respond to that awareness, that brings you into your heart.
As you move inwardly, you’re moving from a denser form to a less dense form. There’s more permanence to your heart than there is to your self, and while you’re in a physical body, your nervous system registers for you, as awareness, what level you’re in. If you’re coming from your heart while you’re in your self and you’re being that in your personality, your nervous system registers all three levels. It registers that as a richer meaning than when you’re just simply in your personality.
When you’re only in your personality, you’re in what is less permanent, which also means a lack of meaning. The personality doesn’t have a depth of meaning. The personality passes away easily. The self passes away with more difficulty. There’s much more form in your personality than in your self, and there’s more form to your self than there is to your heart. Each level registers differently in your physical body.
If you come into awareness of those differences, then you realize that there are also levels to your body: levels more physical and levels less physical, less permanent and more permanent.
As soon as you begin to realize these differences, you realize the direction. When you, awareness, relax, the direction is inward, and whatever you’re coming from inwardly, that’s what you’ll manifest outwardly. In realizing that there’s a direction – there’s always a direction of deeper, deeper within – then as you move from your personality into your self and from your self into your heart, you realize that you know the truth of something, within, that is deeper than your own heart.
That knowing is your doorway into your own being. Everything that you know, within, that’s deeper than your own heart, the knowing is in your heart, but it’s in your heart that you’re knowing what is deeper. That knowing introduces you to what is permanent, that doesn’t pass away with the passing of your physical body, and the meaning of your physical body is dependent on how much you are coming from these deeper levels, within, that are permanent.
Q: Let’s say I want to have good karma. What does it mean and what can I do for that?
John: If you want to have good karma, that gives you bad karma. Wanting gives you bad karma. Wanting anything gives you bad karma, so when you want to have good karma that gives you bad karma. Bad karma, so to speak, isn’t permanent. Good karma is permanent. As soon as you want to have good karma, that means you’re aware of bad karma in good karma.
Instead of wanting to have the good, just respond directly to it. Enjoy, directly, whatever tiny little bit of good karma you know. It’s your response to it that puts you into it. Any attention toward bad karma increases bad karma so, instead of turning away from bad karma, respond to good karma. Wanting good karma puts you in the direction of it while separating you from it. Wanting it means that you’ve identified it, that you know the truth of something, within, that’s of goodness. Wanting it or longing for it means that you’re facing it, but the wanting, the energy, the beingness of wanting isn’t the same as the beingness of good karma. If you work at good karma, that separates you from it.
All that puts you into good karma is your direct response to it. That’s like you responding to what innocence you still have. As you respond to even the tiniest little bit of innocence that is still there, that returns you to your innocence.
Q: How can I stop wanting?
John: By having. Having a tiny little bit of good karma is real. Wanting to have a lot of good karma isn’t real; it separates you from what is already there. When you enjoy what you know directly of good karma, even if it is only a tiny little bit, within, when you are enjoying it, you’re in it. When you’re in it, you have it. When you have it, you’re not longing for it. You’re not wanting to have it.
It’s like having a little spoon of food on an otherwise empty plate. If you want to have a lot of food, the little bit that’s there won’t have your attention. What will have your attention is the much that isn’t there. Have the little that is there, regardless of what isn’t there, and there will be more: perhaps only a little bit at a time more, but whatever little you know is there, have.
Q: How can I stop being greedy?
John: By sweetly enjoying what you have. When you’re greedy, you’re full of want and you’re empty of having. When you sweetly enjoy what you have, you’re filled with having. You’re filled with that which greed cannot give you. When you love what you know you have within, you’re happy and having more won’t make you happier.
What makes you genuinely happy is that you are presently complete. When you are completed by the tiny little bit, within, that you have, you’re complete. It’s fullness that makes you complete, not more that makes you complete. Greed is based on the focus on more, regardless of what you already have. You don’t enjoy what you have because you want more.
When you are genuinely content within your interior with having even only the tiniest little bit, you are in that tiny little bit not just fulfilled, but you really have. When you really have, you’re not happy because you have. The fullness of having makes you happy without a reason.
When you’re happy for a reason, that means that you’re in the experience of having more. So, then you’ll externally have something new and, for some moments, you’ll have an illusive happiness, only long enough for you to realize that there’s more to have, and then you’re no longer happy. You’re wanting more.
When the tiny little bit, within, fills you because you’re in complete response to that tiny little bit, within, you’re fulfilled in your interior and you are full within your interior, and as you look outwardly, you move as happiness. When you are in innocence, you are happy without a reason and in whatever you do outwardly you’ll be naturally filling your doing with your happiness. All of your doing doesn’t increase your happiness. Your doing is your creative way of expressing your happiness. The tiny little bit that you have, within, and that you’re one with, is endlessly expressed outwardly.
There isn’t then a relationship in your interior to gain and to loss. Gain doesn’t increase you and loss doesn’t decrease you. You are this tiny little bit of goodness, within, happy and endlessly expressing. Nothing can touch it; it’s incorruptible. Death can’t touch it. Death cannot touch it or take it away, but when you leave that tiny little bit of goodness that you directly have within, everything touches that and everything threatens that because the leaving it means you’re relating to what is impermanent, to what is going to die.
If you’re relating to what is going to die, you are dying. When you’re relating directly, within, to the tiniest little bit that isn’t going to die, then in everything that you do in your life, you are really living.
Live being what doesn’t die until your body dies, and your transition to what is next will be seamless.
Q: Is meditation a way of enjoying the part which stays?
John: Yes. And as soon as meditation works and you awaken, within, to what isn’t going to die, then you’ve awakened to the truth and it’s for you to directly be your awakening, instead of continuing to meditate to connect to that which isn’t going to pass away.
Q: Is it also dangerous if I have a wish?
John: The more tightly you hold onto your wish, the more dangerous it is. The more lightly … sweetly, lightly … you hold the wish, the lovelier you are within that wish, meaning that you are safe within a wish, not because of the wish, but because of how you’re being in it. When you’re being good karma within a wish, you’re safe. Good karma cannot take a wish seriously. Good karma can move within a wish and, as soon as the wish isn’t granted, the good karma continues and has lost nothing.
Q: Let’s say I’m ashamed of something. What would you recommend?
John: Sitting in the tiniest little bit of good karma that is just beneath the shame. When you, awareness, relax in the midst of the experience of shame, you relax in the direction of the within, which immediately takes you to a tiny little bit deeper than the shame; into what the shame doesn’t go. Just underneath shame there’s good karma, but not if you don’t respond to it. The further you indulge the shame, the more that you’re building bad karma.
Q: What if I don’t even know what kind of sin I have done because it happened in one of my past lives?
John: Are you being presumptuous? Are you presuming to know past lives? You speak of one of your past lives, but do you know the truth of what you say?
If you’re going to speak of sin, if you believe anything that you don’t know the truth of, that’s a sin. When you believe directly and only what you know the truth of, that’s innocence. Your return to innocence frees you of your sin.
Sin, so to speak, is you, awareness, separating from what you know the truth of. When you return to what you know the truth of, when you respond right into what you know the truth of, then even the tiniest little bit, within, is enough for you, and your return to it is your return to innocence and consequently your freedom from sin. Sin isn’t something to deal with. The truth, within, that you know is something to absolutely respond to and respond into, and there is no amount of personal sin or collective sin that can stop you.
Whereas, if you turn to your sin and deal with your sin, it has you. When you deal with it, you give it your power. The more power you give to it by dealing with it, the more that your sin increases. Your power belongs exclusively to what you know the truth of in your heart, even if what you know the truth of is such a tiny, tiny little bit. That tiniest little bit is home, and there’s no sin that prevents your return. You don’t need your sin; not-understood sin and not even the slightest sense of sin that you cannot understand. You don’t need your sin. You need what you know the truth of.
As you respond to what you know the truth of in your heart, you are one with what you know. You’re complete. When you are in complete response to what you know the truth of in your heart, that makes your heart clean, regardless of the condition of your self, regardless of your past. When you’re being one with what you know in your heart, when you’re being that in the midst of your conditioned self, your self slowly becomes cleaned. Purity of heart, over time, cleans your self.
There’s a process to your self becoming cleaned, but there is no process to your heart being cleaned. What cleans your heart is you no longer taking your self to heart. What makes your heart clean is when you, awareness, are in complete response to what you know. That initial oneness returned to is what makes your heart clean. Purity of heart requires only one moment of core honesty to what you know the truth of, and in that moment you are clean. Purity without a process. The return home without a process. Initial oneness without a process.
Meditation, as with many other paths and practices, can introduce you to what home is, what oneness is. It can introduce you to your response to what you know the truth of, but meditation, a practice, cannot keep you there. It can show you the way and then it’s for you to directly be that way. When you awaken through meditation, you don’t need to meditate anymore; you’ve awakened. When you’ve awakened, that means you realize the truth, within, and then you be your awakening. You live your awakening. If the truth, within, is enough for you, meditation can take you right to the door, and then you enter that door; then you are awareness, pure. There’s no practice that can enter that door. It’s bad karma to keep meditating once you’ve awakened by meditating.
595 – When a Crumb of Truth in Your Heart is Your Home
John responds to a spiritual dilemma: a desperate longing for realization, coupled with the fear of nothingness that seems to come with it.
589 – Starting Over: Living Your Awakening Before You Die
After many years on a spiritual path, this person is no longer interested in more teachings. Can there really be nothing to do? John describes what stands in the way of living our awakening, and the value of doing that before we die.
585 – Beyond Your Understood Powers: Your Real Life, Within
“Who am I?” In this dialogue, John is responding to a person who really wants his spiritual search to be over but doesn’t know how that can happen.
573 – Meditation: Can it Become a Trap?
“Meditation is a help, it isn’t you.” This conversation uncovers how a helpful technique can become a self-made trap, and John shares the key to moving beyond it.
552 – No Aim, No Clue: Your Sweet Return to Simply Being
Two questions: one about the vanishing aim of enlightenment, the other about the effects of being on a computer all day. John’s answer applies equally to both, and it all has to do with enjoying being, within.
551 – Really Living Before You Die: The Power of Inexperienced Vulnerability
A cancer diagnosis and the realization that she might soon die has awakened a new sense of purpose in this person. What is the secret to going home, within, before her physical death?
“My sole purpose is to be, in life, what we are after we’ve died. Through openness and softness of heart and core-splitting honesty at any personal cost, I live as that while actualizing the same in others I meet. I am available as a resource for anyone who recognizes and values this way of being.”
– John de Ruiter
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