583 – Finding the Golden Thread Between You and a Difficult Parent
This conversation opens up the difficulty of being with an angry father who still triggers your painful past. Is it okay not to see him, or is there another way forward?
John de Ruiter Podcast 273
John de Ruiter Podcast 273
Relationship Bonds: What Are They For?
When: January 31, 2018 @ 10:00am
Where: India, Tiruvannamalai
Topics: Relationship
We are all connected to others, and form bonds with them in our lives. What are these bonds for? Why are some bonds deeper than others, or carry more meaning for us? What is it that moves in a bond and what is the chemistry? All of this and more is discussed in this dialogue.
“If you open all the way through into subtly, you would be able to see the difference in a bond, within every leaf that you look at on a tree. You could go from leaf to leaf, and what opens of a bond with each leaf isn’t the same. It will be similar but not the same.”
- Relationship Bonds: What Are They For? 00:00
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Podcast Transcript
Relationship Bonds: What Are They For?
Q: I have some questions that came up around bonds. I wonder if you could say something about what a bond is, exactly, and what is the value or the meaning of awareness to relate to a bond? Is that to give form to connectivity?
John: To give form to the connectivity that is already there. To move in the connectivity that is already there.
Q: You said once you find the truth by being it first. So then for you to manifest in our life, in a bond with you, what is it for awareness to relate to a bond like that?
John: It enables awareness to move as a being; to move first as a being instead of first as a self.
Q: I guess I want to know why bonds manifest and why they aren’t all the same? If we’re all the same, why is what moves and opens in one bond different to another?
John: Each bond connects into a different level of being and a different region within a level of your being. A bond, where there is any touch of a bond with anyone, there your being is already becoming particularized in your self. Every bond is as different as every personality; bonds are as different as personalities are different. As soon as there is something of a bond there is a corresponding chemistry of that bond in your self, enabling that bond of being to register in your self.
If you open all the way through into subtlety you’d be able to see the difference in a bond, read the difference within every leaf that you look at on a tree. You could go from leaf to leaf, and what opens of a bond with each leaf isn’t the same. It will be similar but not the same.
Q: If we have so many bonds, in terms of relating more to one than another and where there’s more in one than another, is it really just, then, what we know, what awareness knows to relate to? And also bonds with those who aren’t in form? You say you can enjoy someone who’s passed.
John: The deeper the level of a bond the more precedence it has in your self.
Q: Where is a bond with you leading to? Or where is a bond with a significant other, where is it going? Is that just for the manifestation of our being?
John: It’s for the manifestation of your being in your self. Each bond that you have as you’re in it brings up into your self more of your being, something else of your being. As you move in all of this, your being has life in your self. Your self develops by that.
Q: So our bond with you, does that encompass all of what is within our bond with others?
John: Every level deeper encompasses all the levels that follow. When you’re in alignment the same is true in your self. Your personality doesn’t encompass your self; your personality is a level that follows your self. Your self encompasses your personality, your heart encompasses your self and your personality. Your being, as you are oriented to it, encompasses all of it. When you’re in alignment, you in your personality are nurtured that you, in your self, matter more. You in your self nurturingly encompass you in your personality. The principle of this lives through every level. It’s like that through the levels in you and it’s also like that in all of your relationships.
Where there is real presence of family, the bond within the parents encompasses the bond with the child. A child doesn’t feel competitive to that; a child is nurtured by that.
What each person in your life means to you from the innermost outwards isn’t going to be the same. In raising my children I raised them in a way, in what their relationships were with me, how we were together wasn’t based on fairness it was based on the movement of bonds. If I would find something or do something in relationship to a bond with one of them, then I would manifest that with a gift or doing something – doing something special. I raised them each to see the value of that movement, so none of them felt jealous when a gift was given for no reason to just one: everyone loved it. When we were all in the car I might even have stopped and purchased an ice cream for just one of them and they would all be … just a little bit … almost squealing with delight, each for different reasons. They really loved it!
Q: Thanks, John.
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