Q: I’m so happy to be here. I just want to be real, to come home. It’s very simple. I feel I’m tired of being unreal and pretending, not staying where it’s good to stay, but fluctuating between different places in my self. So I just want to be what I truly am and to live it.

John: While that is only easy and direct, it is also impossible. It’s both at the same time. Both are experienced, bringing about a frustration in realizing that there is the two. It is seemingly impossible and at the same time seemingly direct and only easy. That has to do with there being an actual difference between what your self is, what the ways of your self are, and what your being is and what the ways of your being are. As soon as you begin to recognize that, the impossibility becomes understandable and the ease also becomes understandable.

Then to be at home within in your being is for you to be that ease of being, that profound, gentled, quieted okayness that isn’t disturbed by anything at all; being that in the midst of the fire. In the midst of the fire you’ll experience in your self most terrible discomfort, while not needing as awareness in your being to do anything about that discomfort at all, enabling you as awareness to be absolutely okay, within, as is. The experience of being in the fire in your self will not go away. It will not take away the experience of pain in your self. It will only take away the experience of pain, of you as awareness in your self being separate from what your being is.

To be at home in your being as awareness, part of the pain that was there before will be completely gone, and part of the pain that was there before will become highly pointed. It will become made manifest in your self, enabling you to see it for what it is. You’ll experience the pain of your patterns in your self tied into your body; the pain of the patterns in the part of your body that holds with that, in being separate from what your being is. To not be okay as is in your being in the midst of that fire in your self is for you then as awareness to not actually be identifying with what you are in your being; a part of you as awareness still being identified with need for pain-relief in your self.

Being at home within, in your being will polarize your experience. You’ll have two different levels of experience at the same time: the deeper level of your being in your being absolutely warmly okay as is, while on the level of the self you’ll experience the pain of all of the structures of your self, the patterns in your self, the patterned ways in your self being not at all like the streams of being, within; the difference being so great that it’s painful in your self. There’s a goodness in that. It brings about the nurtureful knowledge that the healing that your being provides is needed in your self for your self to be the same as your being is. In being at home as awareness in your being, you will have your being and you will still have your self – so different, so much not like what your being is.

While much of the pain that you’ve had before will be completely relieved, also the pain that you’ve had before will increase. Instead of the suffering being mixed, the suffering becomes honest and pure. In your being you’ll be taking care of your self concerning the need that it’s in – not the need of being relieved of its pain, but the need of it being known and understood – giving you, as awareness, within your self, heart-understanding.

With that heart-understanding present there is no longer a split, a split between your self and your being. What you are as awareness in the heart-understanding is a living bridge, enabling the two levels of your form to be moved in together by you. That takes time. For you as awareness to be absolutely okay as is in the fire requires no time. That is just you are being profoundly at home within in the midst of the environment of your self that doesn’t at all feel like home.

Being at home in the midst of what doesn’t feel like home has you already differentiating between the two different levels of form, differentiating what you know the truth of as awareness in your being that is different than what your self is, yet not incompatible.

Q: Thank you so much.