608 – Actual or Real: Is There a Difference?
John often refers to what is real and what is actual. What does he mean, and how do we know when we’re being real?
Q: Hello John. I want to ask you some questions about maleness. As we know, there is a cycle in women, the monthly cycle, and I wanted to ask if there is something like a male cycle. Can you please speak on that?
John: What engages a deeper male cycle is you, as a person, in your self, no longer cycling male, no longer identifying with the male feeling, no longer being male, or in your identity being a man. The manness, the male, is there. It’s free to be there, just as it is, without you being that. Then you are what you really are, which is neither man nor male, there quietly within the male, within the man, which engages the opening of the male, the opening of the man.
Q: So it’s simple focused awareness, presence?
John: A little bit. It’s you, awareness, gentled and quieted in your heart, and it isn’t focused by you, a man, a person, a self. It’s just you gentled and quieted within your heart, and all of that takes place within the environment of the male, the man. There’s nothing sweeter in a man than a man just gentled within, and not being a man.
A man being a man is the makings of a jerk. It’s just you, gentled and quieted within, in the midst of what maleness or what manness happens to be there, that opens you and frees you from the maleness and the man, which allows, enables, the manness, the maleness to open into its deeper levels.
The man isn’t able to open that. It’s you being openness, within the environment of the man that opens it. So it’s organic, and it isn’t with purpose. As soon as you give it purpose, you’re being more sophisticated as a man, and you’re not being what you really are.
Q: So the beingness has no male or female qualities?
John: That’s right. Beingness has feminine energy and masculine energy, but it doesn’t move as manness or womanness.
The initial levels of the being are feminine in energy, such as okayness, openness, softness, and it’s all without the movement of any kind of power. The deeper levels of the being start to open up in a masculine energy, which also includes more power. But the entrance to the masculine energy of the being, the deeper levels of the being, comes through the initial levels of the being, which is feminine: openness, softness, and without any power. So in coming into your being, that first comes by you balancing in your whole relationship to power, which means you surrendering your power: giving away your power to openness and to softness of heart.
Q: Including sexual power?
John: Yes.
Q: I love your “Penis Mind” talk. I was listening to it. It’s so rich, and it’s so helpful to me. For me, I’m really there now where I lose my identity as a man. But a compass in me is knowing that behind that gate, there is something greater and softer and bigger.
John: It isn’t really so much that you’re losing your identity as a man. It’s really that you don’t need your identity as a man.
What fulfils the man is you being what you really are, a being, in the midst of the man that’s there, the self that’s there. There’s no focus on the man, the self; really, it’s just you, there. That’s what opens the self, opens the man.
See you later.
Q: Bye. Thank you.
608 – Actual or Real: Is There a Difference?
John often refers to what is real and what is actual. What does he mean, and how do we know when we’re being real?
607 – Living From the Wellspring of Your Heart
A fundamental teaching on living from the heart, your return to the quiet happiness of innocence.
606 – A Deeper Level of Mother, A Deeper Level of Love
The help you want to give your child may not be the help they really need. This conversation shows how motherly love can deepen and change.
605 – The Cost of Cutting Yourself Off from Others
How can you be around people you care for, but don’t agree with? Dissociation only manifests more separation, and John shares how to stay connected.
604 – Broken Relationship: The Kindness of a Hundred-Year Perspective
Imagine looking at the the pain of a lost relationship from the kindness of a hundred-year perspective. New possibilities will open, and John explains.
603 – Your Deepest, Most Delicate Belonging
The sense of entering the second half of life is sharpening this person’s focus on what matters most, and raising some fundamental questions.
“My sole purpose is to be, in life, what we are after we’ve died. Through openness and softness of heart and core-splitting honesty at any personal cost, I live as that while actualizing the same in others I meet. I am available as a resource for anyone who recognizes and values this way of being.”
– John de Ruiter
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