Q: Good morning, John. I wanted to ask you about relationships and soul mates. I was married twice and got divorced twice, obviously. And I loved many people, but there was this one guy, the depth of emotions that I have still for him feels like something out of this world, very powerful. I love him so much. The sexual attraction is so strong. I got married and I still could not stop thinking about him. And we had two tries, and we were about to have the third try. He was supposed to come here and two weeks ago, he disappeared. Do we have more than one soul mate? I just want to know what to do, because I try to do my work and being in my okayness with everything, but the pain inside is so strong.

John: The pain is because you’re feeling into the lack in your self in not being with what you liked with him, how that met you, what that did for you. The pain is there because of a belief in you that without you having what the two of you had together you’re not well. You have that pain because of a belief that that kind of relationship gives you what you think you need. Without that core belief concerning relationship, you wouldn’t have that pain. The pain locks you into your view of a style and a chemistry of relationship that you’ve experienced, and you’re confining your self to that. You won’t be able to see easily outside of that. What the pain is telling you isn’t real.

What’s real is you nurturingly not needing that kind of relationship, that you don’t need that idea and experience of a relationship. That leaves you open and available within your interior for what you haven’t experienced yet; you’re not locked in onto anything. The pain secures what you experienced in that relationship as a benchmark: any kind of relationship you have you’ll be comparing with that one. That’s self-blinding. What promises so much in your idea of that chemistry, your experience of that is actually narrowing you. You can’t see anything else.

Your experience with him isn’t the height of evolutionary relationship; it was the beginning of it. As you develop and evolve, you’re capable of a deeper kind of relationship, a broader kind of relationship. The pain confines you to what was. You need to use a soft, interior kind of eraser which very lightly erases your idea of what you were experiencing, so that it’s lightly still there and lightly gone. You need to let it fade and relax. It enables you to see it for what it is without being locked into it.

It’s like you looking at what you were experiencing in that relationship from a hundred years from now. The hundred-year perspective includes everything of how you’ll be evolving up until that point, and then you, a hundred years from now, having some soft, kind words for you now. You’ll be relieving you of how you’re identifying with that relationship. The bond remains from within any relationship, while you’re letting go of your identification with that relationship and your idea of that relationship, whether it’s really negative or really positive. The bond is real and the bond continues. The idea around it isn’t real. Your pain around it also locks you into your current personality. As your personality develops, your capacity in a relationship – how you are in a relationship, how you move with someone else – is all going to change. Release softly into your next personality development. See your past as a kindness, and what you’re coming into is a new kindness.

Q: And do we have such thing as soul mates or are we just all soul mates?

John: No. That’s too small of a thinking. Having a belief inside surrounding soul mates, you confine your seeing to something that’s an ultimate for you. That disables you from being able to see what fits with you and what comes into you, what works with you. With the belief of soul mates, you lose the deep flexibility of your interior.

Q: So, as I understand now, he was only doing me a favour when he disappeared.

John: That’s too strong.

Q: What do you mean, “too strong”?

John: It isn’t a goodness that he disappeared. It’s deeply all right that he disappeared, and it would have been deeply all right if he wouldn’t have disappeared. Goodness possibilities are endless. The moment that you conclude the truth of something, you confine possibility. If you end within your interior too quickly something that was, that makes you shortsighted concerning what’s coming.

If you’re relaxed inside concerning what was – so nothing needs to be concluded, nothing needs to be finalized, there doesn’t need to be a closure – that opens your seeing and relaxes your seeing concerning what’s coming.

Q: Thank you, John.