JdR Podcast 415
The Search for Truth Will Never Satisfy
"What am I looking for?" This questioner has been enjoying some rest from his search for liberation, but feels a familiar dissatisfaction beginning again. John's answer reveals how the search can end once and for all.
"As the search ends, so does your sense of self end. What remains is you, what you really are, and you being what you really are. This doesn’t require a good mind or a coherent mind. All this requires is the stillness of a listening heart."
—John de Ruiter
With John de Ruiter from the February 14, 2021, Interactive Live Stream
Q: I could really use some help around the notion of search. I feel like I’ve been in search for a long time. A few years ago, sat with various teachers, I realized I didn’t even know what I was looking for. I was chasing an idea of liberation but no idea what it was. The last few years I’ve been into more of a rest but increasing sense of dissatisfaction, and I’m feeling that the dissatisfaction is re-igniting search on a deeper level, and I don’t know what I’m looking for because what I’m looking for is me.
John: The dissatisfaction is there because of “who” you are searching for. The orientation of the search is your self, but the deep inner knowing that initiates the search is original you. You search because you know there’s more, but the search is erroneous because it’s for your self; it isn’t for that which knows. It’s for that which would like to benefit of what you know, that there is more; that all that you are in, in your self, isn’t it – there’s more. The more is within.
As soon as you search you use your sense of self to uncover the deep within. It isn’t’ able to. What you know you are looking for has nothing to do with your sense of self. The search will keep pointing you in the right direction that will always be the incorrect orientation. All you need is to be still in what you directly know.
As soon as you search for what you know, you are moving away from what you know. You are searching for your self. You are searching for a self purpose, which is fundamentally disquieting. As you become still in what you directly know within, you are being what you know. There is no search; the search is false. It’s based on a direct knowledge but the movement within the search is self-oriented. It isn’t real. The search is you engaging your thinking, your feeling, your emotion and your will to lay hold of what you directly know within. What the search makes strong is your sense of self. You are searching for your sense of self.
If you search for what you know, the search ends because you know. As you are still in what you know you are being the same as this direct inner knowledge. You are being whole, home, real and true.
What you return to in being what you know isn’t quantitative; it’s qualitative. It doesn’t have to do with information, it doesn’t have to do with an understanding, it doesn’t have to do with anything that you can hold. It’s qualitative; it has only to do with what you actually are, which is not your self, not your life, your mind. It’s a deep, inner beingness. It has to do with a flow that originates from your innermost. In you being that, it flows through all of your levels, filling your heart, your body, your self, your mind and your life. It isn’t for your self, or your body, your mind, or your life; it’s for you, this innermost level of you. And it’s only in you being that, that you, from the innermost to the outermost, flow.
Q: I think my hope has always been that it’s going to help the human, the me, find resolution. It feels like yeah, I wanted this for me, but I can see the maturity in what you are pointing at.
John: As the search ends, so does your sense of self end. What remains is you, what you really are, and you being what you really are.
This doesn’t require a good mind or a coherent mind. All this requires is the stillness of a listening heart.
Bye for now.
Q: Thank you, John.
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