JdR Podcast 337
The Bond in Any Kind of Relationship is Forever
The woman in this dialogue wonders if the break-up of her relationship means she should close and withdraw. John shows her the way into the deeper connectedness of love and the timeless nature of bonds.
"A relationship can end. The bond survives everything, including death."
—John de Ruiter
With John de Ruiter from the December 6, 2016, Bad Meinberg, Germany Event
Q: My relationship ended a little while ago. I feel the energy that I have been engaging in the relationship as if it reaches out in nature, out very vast, out in physical space. It’s such a multi-dimensional thing to have a physical contact. Even just to hold the hand, there are so many levels that are opening in that. I wanted to ask how I can not go into a smaller place, being alone.
John: Not alone. When a relationship ends, instead of breaking up, fully come together in what is there with the other, without what used to be there with the other. You’re not leaving out the other. You’re not breaking up with the other. Something ends with the other, and you really come together, within your interior, with what is still there with the other. That’s the bond. A relationship can end. The bond survives everything, including death.
So while you’re no longer in relationship in the way that it was, live in your bond. That brings you right into your love and you’re not cutting anything off. You’re not separating from the bond that’s there; you’re given to it. Because you’re in the bond, you hold no separation toward him. Your heart remains all open and soft. Your seeing increases; it doesn’t lessen. So then you move about in your day not loving his self; you move about in your day and you love him to everything and everyone. You’re still in. You’re not focused on what came apart. You’re in what so deeply comes together.
Q: So there isn’t a kind of projection or something that I kind of need to pull back?
John: No. Step way into. It isn’t a projection; it’s real. It opens your love.
Q: A contact that I had with him was just by touch and then there’s just light all around and I’m just thinking that that’s that’s my experience, but what you’re saying is that it’s real.
John: And it doesn’t need to be his experience. You are all flow to him, and that doesn’t mean that there needs to be a relationship.
Q: It seems like it’s even a good thing that the relationship will change.
John: What is good is everything that comes together, regardless of what looks apart. The change is developmental. It isn’t something done. It isn’t something that you did.
The change is developmental.
What’s developmental into your self is what is coming together for you of the bond, while something of the relationship is leaving.
Q: What does it mean that it comes together?
John: That you’re immersed in the bond. While you see him and when you don’t; that you flow in your bond with him, so in that way, you are in your being. You’re in the real connectedness of love. Because you’re in that, in whoever you see, you are loving him to the other person you’re with. You’re loving him to everyone.
If you don’t know how to do that, then love your mother to everyone. Realize all of your bonds, your connectedness from a deeper level than your self with anyone, and be in all of those bonds to everyone – to anyone you meet.
Q: When you say love to every person I meet, that’s directed here, in this level. But when the love is for a person who died, my heart is reaching very vastly out.
John: Can be; doesn’t need to be. Toward anyone who’s died, instead of connecting with them or thinking about them, enjoy them without the use of memory. That puts you in direct contact. It’s a level of contact that has nothing to do with your life and your self. It has nothing to do with where they are and you are. You are in the bond. That’s your connectivity. It never ends. It’s unbreakable.
When you love someone who’s died to someone you’re with, you’re not relating to any kind of concept of that loved one – where they are or what they are. What’s real is your bond, and within that bond you love, so when you love someone who’s died to someone you’re with, it’s direct. It’s real.
Q: And when I’m alone?
John: Your real life is on the same level as these bonds. Your real life isn’t on the level of your self. The level of your self is what you express the level of all of these bonds through. When you are with someone, you are in the deeper streams to them. When you are not with anyone, you are in the deeper streams. It doesn’t need to be to anything.
Q: Does it need to be expressed?
John: Only when you’re with something, someone. The expression then streams through your self to the level of stream in the other.
When you love someone to someone else, you’re in the stream. When everything and everyone is gone, you are in the stream. The stream is what you really are.
The stream changes. You can be in a part of the stream that’s of a strong current. Then in your self you’ll experience it strongly; you’ll be moved in your self. When you’re in a part of the stream that is still, like a little side pool and there is no current, to your experience it will seem, because there is no current, that you’re not in the stream.
The stream isn’t something you need to feel in your self. The stream is what you know.
Q: The touch makes it so multi-dimensional.
John: And then there are levels of that touch: the first being what is so substantial, the physical. When you’re coming from deeper levels and there is a physical touch, it’s a touch of deeper levels. There are deeper levels of that touch that are not physical.
Q: But it’s coming through the physical.
John: Yes, and when the physical isn’t there, what was coming through doesn’t stop unless you conclude that there’s less because the physical isn’t there. If you conclude that there’s less, that puts you out of the deeper levels and you are in the levels of conclusion that you don’t know the truth of. You’re in your conditioning.
Q: And that physical touch: does it also include the bond? Is it also the bond touching?
John: Fully. The meaning within the touch is entirely because of the bond.
The deeper the level that you relate from while there is a touch, the deeper the level of meaning that moves. When the touch isn’t there, the meaning hasn’t stopped moving.
Q: The touch is meaning that moves?
The meaning that is in the touch is what moves, and continues to move without the touch. The touch shows you, and there the meaning continues. It doesn’t leave unless you conclude that you need that touch to be in that meaning.
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