A mother feels entangled in the difficulties of her handicapped child’s condition and asks how she can be of real help. John shows how they can meet and enjoy each other without the condition getting in the way, which will also help the condition. Don’t wait until you die to really be with her.
Q: I’m entangled in the story of my daughter who’s ill. She’s strongly handicapped and needs a lot of help, and there is a lot of tension. I don’t know how to help her. I’m entangled in the suffering of it.
John: You make her all about her condition, which makes your self all about her condition. Do what you can for her condition without you connecting her condition to your self or to her. What that really means is that, for her, you don’t see a problem on account of her condition. You directly knowing her and seeing her, enjoying her, first has no connection to her condition. That relieves her of needing to perform as her condition, for you.
When you are directly knowing her, seeing her, enjoying her without any view to her condition, she is free to relax from being her condition. She’ll have you despite your self and despite her condition. There’s nothing lacking in that. She realizes that her condition doesn’t imprison her. She’s not imprisoned in her body and in her mind. You be free of her body and her mind and in some time she will see you and follow you. Her condition, in a peculiar way, makes it simple for her and for you; the two of you together despite her condition in a way that is so rested, so clean, so clear, that the condition no longer makes a difference.
You’ve been, through your concern, oppressing her with the effect that her condition has on your self, and projecting that onto her. You project it all on her through your concern. It’s all mixed into your love. You make it difficult for her to see. Like making it easy. Lightly do what you can for her condition, and when it comes to her, be sweetly oblivious of her condition
Don’t wait for the two of you to die for the two of you to be together without her condition being a filter between you, or a boundary. Be with her in the way that the innocence of a small child would be with her. The innocence sees something different but doesn’t comprehend the condition.
Q: I can feel the truth of every word you speak inside, and I feel also my decision to be love or be my idea, I can feel like this.
John: If you are at home in being nobody and nothing you have free access into her. You’ll make it easy for her to know and to see. It won’t work well if you do this just with her. It works really well if you’ll do this with everything in your self, everything in your life, every relationship you have. Then as soon as she sees your face and your eyes, she sees you see her.
Q: It’s very clear.
John: A little short cut: be me instead of you to her. That puts you right into the deeper levels of you without a process.
Q: Thank you. You’re very clear.
A woman speaks the extreme difficulty of her circumstances: her husband is in a coma and she doesn’t know how to handle all it means, and parent her children through the crisis. John shows her how goodness can thrive in hardship and how this deeper perspective can be a nurturing ‘love school’ for them all.
Imagine what it would be like to have the ability to directly communicate with your unborn child, being to being, where real parenting begins. Are you a parent, or planning to be? Share your thoughts with us on this latest video.
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The questioner is pregnant and would like to really feel, open and soften to the being growing inside her. She feels cut off from feeling this as deeply as she actually can.
– This being communicates to you, bypassing your self. When you are about your self you will miss it. When you are quietly in your heart you will be moved and touched beyond your understanding.
– It’s a whole different level of communication.
– This is the most beautiful opportunity to listen to another being in a completely different way.
– Relating directly to your child, Being taught by your baby
– What you’ll come into as your baby is newly born is a paramount teaching.
– Get to know this other language: the only real language of parenting. You will make so many mistakes, but if you’re coming from within this language, all of your mistakes will be beautiful.
In all of your parenting, you don’t need to get everything right. You need to get into this language.
“The Intelligence of Love”, the new book by John de Ruiter was launched at ABC Carpet & Home in November 2015. Alan Steinfeld from newrealities.com interviews John de Ruiter during his visit in New York.This Interview covers topics from the book and from John’s teachings such as sexuality, parenting, and human evolution.
“My sole purpose is to be, in life, what we are after we’ve died. Through openness and softness of heart and core-splitting honesty at any personal cost, I live as that while actualizing the same in others I meet. I am available as a resource for anyone who recognizes and values this way of being.”
– John de Ruiter
