Getting Back To Your First Awakening – Young Adults with John de Ruiter

Q1: Hi John. I haven’t actually talked to you in a long time. I’ve been experiencing a lot of resistance, actually, in full meetings, like actually going to full meetings a lot. And I obviously work and I’m around everyone a lot and, um, it feels like there’s something to do with my ego on with, like, awakening kind of on my time. And, I’ve been struggling with it a lot and I was wondering if you could say anything just to sort of maybe help out.

John: That’s a mistake.

Q1: Okay. Can you say more?

John: Instead of having any kind of resistance, just consult what you’re deeply, quietly clear about and let that clarity rule. Let it rule you. As soon as you’re in a resistance, then you make just everything about your self. The resistance doesn’t tell you what’s true; what you’re quietly clear about tells you what’s true. The resistance is more of a misuse of power, where you empower your self in a way that your self isn’t capable of carrying you. So you make it perform in a way that isn’t meant to.

Q1: Yeah, I can see that. I can see that.

John: Instead of resisting something, you can be clear. If you’re really clear about something, if you are clear that something isn’t real or true, you have no need to resist it. If you know that something isn’t real or true, then it just has nothing to do with you and you’re clear.

Q1: Yeah, it seems to be something that built up. Um, I just kind of let it overtake me, or something. Yeah.

John: Within the resistance, there’s a narrative. The narrative keeps the resistance going. As you stay in it, it develops roots and those roots will affect everything else in your life.

Q1: Yeah, I can see how it distorts things, ‘cause I do really know to be here, so it’s so bizarre that it has this root of [trying to] or something I feel like I’m being had somewhere in there it’s just [trying to] not quite, I’m not going straight. And it’s a very strange experience of being kind of torn apart a little bit. Does that make sense?

John: Know what you’re clear about and then give that clarity a little bit of action. Let it have some form. Let it control something of your behaviour. You’ll find your freedom in that.

Q1: Okay. Thank you.

Q2: Hi, John. I wanted to talk to you about the opening that I had this summer. I wrote you an email about it. I experienced so much love in this opening and it felt as if my being was just moving directly through my body, and I was just, I wasn’t even thinking. I was moving in this flow of everything, and I haven’t quite been able to get back to that place since I had this opening, and I was wondering if you had any advice for how I can work and practise to work every day that way.

John: Like being mastered by the seeing that you had in it, so instead of it being in your control, you let that seeing and what you know in the seeing control you. So you let it govern your feeling and your thinking.

Q2: So it’s really to do with letting go of any control over it. I can’t try and get back to that, I just have to let go and it will come? Or is it not quite as simple as that?

John: Like letting it have you and let it have you in all of the really little things.

Q2: What would be an example of letting it have me in something little?

John: When there’s the tiniest little thing that annoys or frustrates you, just something practical, then let the perspective that you were in, in that experience that you had, let that perspective have you. Let it have you concerning tiny little things that matter to you.

Q2: In letting it have me, am I relating to it? Is that part of it? Is that an active thing I’m doing is to actively think about it and relate to it? Or is that trying too hard to have it again?

John: It’s a love thing more than an active thing.

Q2: So the more that I let go and love it having me, the more it will have me?

John: In the midst of really little things.

Q2: Thank you.

Q3: Hello. How can I be still when it feels like I fall prey to experience?

John: By letting change what matters to you.

Q3: How do I remain what matters to me when it feels like it’s covered up?

John: You have what matters to you that registers in your nervous system, and you have another level of what matters to you that’s very deep and quiet and it doesn’t register in your nervous system unless you’re there. You’ve formed your self and your life in a way that doesn’t let you be there, so your nervous system keeps registering what you’ve chosen to make matter and you can live in that, you can be in that, but then you also can’t be still. You’ll have to engage thought, feeling, will, and emotion to keep you from being still, because as soon as you’re still what matters that’s deeper within comes right into your experience and it interferes with what you’ve put together in your life. When you’re still, you’re clear. When you’re not still, you’re controlled by your beliefs: what you’ve concluded as being real and true, emotional and mental conclusions. It’s like you living in what you prefer to be real and true, instead of you living in what you’re just quietly clear about of what is real and what is true. As you live in that, then you’re still. You have no need of movement inside, so you won’t be using thought and feeling, will and emotion, as distraction. When you’re still, you’re free of your self, which makes your self deeply available to you. If you’re not still, then you partition your self, you live in different categories in your self, and you can change those categories at will with a thought or a feeling. All of it keeps you from being clear.

Q3: That adds up, thank you

Q4: Is it enough to live in the heart and to just be awareness as that unfolds and I guess that’s it. Is that enough?

John: And within your heart being everything that you’re knowing so there’s no separation from what you’re know the truth of in your heart. To live in your heart is for you to live moving as what you know.

Q4: And in the self it doesn’t really feel, it feels easier free, and is it enough to trust that and live that way?

John: To trust what you quietly know in your heart.

Q4: Is it the same as when we begin to do that in our own being?

John: Yes.

Q4: It’s exciting. And will that become more consistent in everyday life?

John: That depends on whether you take your self to heart in everyday life or not.

Q4: And if I’m not taking myself to heart will I be able to move and talk and do things in that?

John: Yes.

Q4: And when your in front of us I feel it’s easier, you said something about constellation for the self and I feel that because we’re unfamiliar with the movement of the being it’s easier to see it in you and then to move with you and the more we’re able to stay with that, the more we click with our own.

John: Yes.

Q5: I think it’s so beautiful when people in the meetings are saying they love you and find it so easy to lay down in you or to slip into you because I know that their knowing their own being and deeper and that as they love that they’re moving into that and as I love seeing that, that’s what I’m doing?

John: Yes.

Q4: I love that.

John: Yes you do.