Q: A week ago I shared with you that I felt higher frequency in my belly, and you said it was deeper willingness which hadn’t integrated in my self. Last week when I was walking in the park, I felt a similar frequency in my body and yesterday in my feet and now while I’m sitting here, that frequency is in my feet and in my hands. Is this frequency also relating to deeper willingness?
John: Indirectly. It started with deeper willingness and then you didn’t stop it. More kept opening in you.
Q: When I came back from Japan, I didn’t have this willingness to relate to the truth I know or the willingness to even try to, and you said willingness is in your self so it was ok that it was gone.
John: It being gone as an experience is good. Deeper willingness is the opening and softening of your will. It can be experienced, but it doesn’t need to be an experience.
Q: If experienced, is it real?
John: What is real is what you know in it. Realness is the absence of anything put on what you know. It isn’t first an experience. It isn’t generated in your self. It’s a fruit of being.
Q: So then this higher frequency experienced in my self, in my body, is a fruit of being?
John: It’s the result of your cumulative responses to what you’ve known. Your responses kept adding up until it tipped into this experience. The willingness, the deeper willingness, has been there for some time.
Q: Where does deeper willingness come from?
John: Openness of heart. Anything good in your self comes from openness of heart, from softness of heart.
Q: How does awareness becoming pure relate to deeper willingness? What is the relationship between deeper willingness and awareness being planted in knowing?
John: Inevitability. When awareness is being planted in knowing, it’s only a matter of time and the deeper level of your will begins to open through your openness and softness of will. It is where your will becomes a little bit like your being.
Q: When the will becomes a little bit like the being, is that deeper willingness?
John: Yes, and a little bit of your being then has a little bit of form on the level of your self. On the level of your self, it is like a little sprout of your being.
Q: I have asked you in the past about my orientation as awareness. In the last Spring seminar I saw I could relate to other than experience, any experience, as awareness. I was so excited about that because then I’m free, but then I lost that.
John: That’s good.
Q: Because I was doing something in my self?
John: Ultimately it doesn’t matter because you’re still responding to a deeper level of awareness.
Q: When I say I’m aware of something, that is on the level of my self?
John: You saw the reflection of something deeper. You became excited in your self because of what you knew you were knowing. That made you do a little dance and you stepped on your sprout, but it keeps growing. It’s fine. In your excitement you didn’t realize what you stepped on. It’s like dancing with joy for what you’ve realized in your self and accidentally switching off the lights.
Q: I learned from the dark. You said when you have full response your awareness becomes pure.
John: Full response to what you know.
Q: I know my awareness isn’t pure. My heart sometimes is clean but it is not pure yet. Without it having pure awareness, how can I respond fully to what I know?
John: When you relax as awareness, response to what you know is all you have. As awareness relaxes, it rests in what it knows.
Q: When I respond more, I don’t feel like relaxing.
John: Your not feeling like reacting is a fruit of being. When awareness responds to what it knows, and comes to rest in what it knows, it doesn’t even resist the temptation to react; it can’t relate to reacting. Its nature is love.
Q: With no emotion or no feeling?
John: There is feeling. It’s a different level of feeling, a level of feeling that is too little to be of interest to your self.
Q: I read your book in Japanese and I realized you’re doing this purely for the sake of truth. Before that, I thought you are doing this for us, but it is purely for the sake of truth.
John: In you. Not just the truth – the truth in you.
Q: Truth in each of us.
John: (Nods)
Q: I love that so much. So then even if we are not aware of getting it, still we are getting it as others do. It’s amazing. It’s love.
John: It’s love without a face. It doesn’t relate to being experienced.
Q: That’s such a freedom: no need to be experienced.
John: That’s what your being is like. Openness and softness of heart is the beginning of this.
Q: We are born with openness and softness of heart naturally, right?
John: Before you’re even born, you’re far more than openness and softness.
Q: Do you mean in mother’s womb or before being in a mother’s womb? When we are in a mother’s womb, do we have a heart?
John: At some point, yes.
Q: So before that, then we are only being? And after we die, we’ll be only being again?
John: And everything that you’ve integrated, anything in your self that has become just like your being.
Q: After we die, what is unintegrated in the self where does that go?
John: It becomes everyone else’s homework. What is unintegrated attracts what is unintegrated. When you die, everything in your self that hasn’t become integrated, that isn’t like your being, joins what is unintegrated in everyone else.
Q: Everyone else’s self?
John: (Nods)
Q: It feels like the frequency became finer. Is this frequency the electromagnetism that you spoke about?
John: It’s the electromagnetism of your being. As it registers in your body, it comes into your nervous system and makes your nervous system a tiny little bit more like your being.
Q: Sometimes I wonder if all at once my body becomes like my being maybe I’ll go crazy.
John: You might get excited, go into a dance and break your sprout, but no opening of your being into your self can make you crazy. Having aversion to anything in your thinking is crazy-making. Disliking or having a need to get away from it is crazy-making.
Relax as awareness until you are simply at rest in what you know. The craziness goes away and you heal. For awareness at rest in what it knows, there isn’t anything to fear. Everyone is a little crazy until they heal. If it isn’t healing, it’s getting worse. Its healing comes by you, awareness, being simply rested in what you know. It works. Nothing else really works.
