596 – Beyond Sadness and Pain: Happy Without a Reason
John reveals the source of the deep well of sadness and pain this person carries, and shares how she can reconnect with her original happiness.
Q: Hi, John. We spoke at lunch and you started talking about the differences of the male, or the masculine, and the feminine, and also the difference in the anatomy of male and female which, of course, somehow decides also the way we perceive or relate to, go into sexuality. You started talking about the subtle body and the difference between male and female. I would love if you could elaborate a little more on that. I understood that the difference was that the woman’s vagina had sort of subtle points, and these points are for meeting with the subtle body. But in the man these points, of course, are situated differently, and spread all over the body.
John: Evenly throughout the body, making it a lot more difficult to identify. For a woman it’s easy to identify. Her anatomy is already made that way. So there are already a number of points in her that, in a sense, keep transmitting. They are meaning receptors and meaning transmitters. Through the self, through what’s usual, they’re very limited. So a woman knows as an inherent knowledge that there is so much more, and then begins to take for granted just a usual experience that really falls short of what’s known, and within the self isn’t able to open up the more, isn’t able to come into everything that’s known: the more that opens up these different physical points, which are like doorways into fields, different fields of being that are all connected to the being. So without the being moving, these fields don’t open.
The sexuality can be moved. Some of these points can be opened up hormonally and be opened up through the mind, through the body, but it all falls short of what’s quietly known. It isn’t until the being begins to freely move in the body that these points, like doors, start to open, and the magical sexual fields that are controlled by the being, open, move, flow and fill.
A man’s sexuality, on deeper levels, is the same, but it’s a lot more difficult to come into and to find. Because of the difference in anatomy, a man is also not as close to the being as a woman. But a man has something else. Because of what isn’t easily there on the surface, a man has an inherent capacity to read, to read these codes in a woman, which doesn’t open up without a man just really listening within. It brings in a whole other kind of seeing.
Instead of there being so much movement in a man, a sexual movement like there easily is in a woman because there are so many points, sexual points in a woman, if a man is really listening, he becomes still – still of his orientation in his self. He becomes emotionally still, becomes mentally still, and in the movement of the sexuality, in this stillness and this inherent capacity to read, a man becomes like a still lake, where its surface is able to be as still and as flat as glass, enabling the surface to reflect everything that’s outside of it. Like a lake, you can see the reflection, you can see the clouds, the trees, the grass, the land, people. Everything shows. As the lake starts to ripple a little bit in a usual kind of excitement, the capacity to read, and the reflection that’s there, goes.
Q: The points in the man, at what time do they get activated? Does the man have to read the woman and just follow through, which will open up the being’s control? It sounds a little technical, now, but is there more for a man to do than what you just told?
John: Being the deeper levels of a man or being the deeper levels of a woman, in each they are the deeper levels of reality. You don’t need to be with a woman for you to be able to read reality. But when a woman starts to open and her deeper levels start to move, and it all merges with her sexuality, the quieter you are within – when you’re even close to that, as you hear about it or as you see it – when you’re really still, you know something. You’re already reading. Even in the rippled water, you’re beginning to register some reflections.
As you really attune to that, what you’re using are your deeper levels, the deeper levels of reality, to read the deeper levels of reality. They’re not points in you that open. They are fields in you that open, not distinguishable through your self but registered by you, a being, and even moved by you, a being. They are, as a being, within your self, within your body, not limited to your body, your magical fields. They’re like your powers of mobility, your much greater powers to be able to meet with someone or with something, and to commune.
Q: For a man who’s just opening up to being, and on the beginning of embodying being, is it possible for such a man, at that time, to read, to read the woman? Or does it take a fuller embodiment of being to be able do that?
John: No. It’s developmental.
Q: What happens to the man’s sexuality when he’s still like a still pond, and just reading and following? I mean, the sexuality as a flow, as a movement.
John: He’s magically moved. He’s moved by these magical fields that begin to subtly open. With a woman it’s more localized to points because it’s grounded in physical points, but opens up into the whole body. With a man, it’s there in the whole body, but not if he’s making a point of something.
Q: Then it stops.
John: Yes. Making a point of anything has nothing to do with the movement of being, has nothing to do with its fields that open.
Q: I know what you’re talking about. But I think my experience has been that I’m very good at stopping that from taking place because of misunderstood expectations from either me or the woman, or both.
John: If you use any of the powers of your self – it’s the same for a woman – if you use mind, if you use thought or will, emotion or usual feeling, all of that doesn’t move in the same way as your being moves, as the deeper levels of reality move. So when you’re being different from what your own being is like, your being, there, has no access.
As soon as you stop being your self, your being moves, moves into your self, and that opens up your humanness. You start to relate in a way that’s nurtureful, dear, connective. You start to move in your self in a way that is full of sameness, which enables you to be able to accurately read and reflect what’s there of the movement of being in someone else or in something else. It lets you come right into the deeper levels of the universe and in them, you move as awareness, as knowledge, as love. You perceive through the perceptors awakened in your body that all have to do with your being, perceptors that are so different from thought or usual feeling, so different from your will and emotion. But there is like an inner universe of your self, of all of these usual powers.
As you move as a being, these deeper levels of your self start to open and they also move magically. As this opens, the first to go is a sense of personal identity, the sense in your self of being special, unique, separate, independent. In your self you become nurturefully nothing and nobody that begins to know everything and have everything. That’s the being-opened self. When you open your self, it’ll be opening without the powers of your being, so it’ll just make you open-minded, which will make you more special, more powerful in being separate – more not like your being. You’ll be a someone, a somebody, who has an open mind.
When the movement of your being opens your mind, you come into your subtle mind, giving you the capacity to conceptualize, to see, to think in a way that is exclusive to your being. That’s how your being functions in your self when it is given a mind. It does something very different with it than what you as a self do with your mind.
Q: So the mind still conceptualizes even though being is opening up the subtle mind, but in a different way, I guess.
John: Yes. In that way, everything that you’re used to in your self of how you use your mind are all abilities that greatly open and expand when your being uses them. Have you ever been in a restaurant where your serviette given to you is like a little white tablet? And you’re told to add water. It’s most fascinating. For a child it’s really exciting. You add water to it and it starts expanding and unfolding until you have this serviette. That’s what your being does to your thinking. As a self, we’re all used to tablet-thinking instead of all-opened-up-and-freed thinking. The will is the same. The will that we’re used to is a power to hold together and make something happen.
The most that we know of how it’s able to be different is when we are in the heart. Then that forceful kind of movement that’s strongly held together opens up and moves as a nurturing willingness: the openness of the will. But when the being comes into the will and the will is expanded, transformed, then as awareness you come into your magical will where you can, through the magical movement of your will and just a subtle thought, you can move any way that you are as a being, and you can move as being. It’s a little bit like using your will to sit in a chair or to stand up, to run with all of your might or to move gracefully. You can use it physically, you can use it emotionally, you can use it with thought, you can use it with feeling.
When your being is given the form of your will, the being multiples it, disperses it into everything of what the being is, and applies it. All of what we are in our selves, its real potential belongs to what we are a being. That potential doesn’t open up without you, a being, integrating your self, discovering your self, recycling your self, having all of it and freely using it. For the being, it is the magical self. It’s the magical way to be able to have so much opened form. Awareness in the self, on its own, has no access to all of that. That much power is kept safe. Most of it is all kept safe from the self.
Q: Is there a timing in this integration, a timing that is beyond our will? So some part of you is getting mature. How would you describe it?
John: What opens up that different level of time and timing is you, awareness, unconditionally being in response to what you directly know the truth of, at any personal expense. That’s your door, and there’s no other way in. It’s all kept safe from distortion. It’s all kept safe from the normal and usual use of will, emotion, thought, feeling. It’s all inherently protected. You can’t come into it without being given and taken by what you know and then form of that – unseen form of that – which is you being given to your being, taken by your being, and your being coming into all of your self, having everything, doing differently with it than what you’ve done with it, which changes it.
Q: And what I have to do in that is not even a process, but what I have to do is to be still, to be open.
John: When you unconditionally open and soften, that relaxes you, which makes you still concerning anything to do with your self. It makes you fundamentally no longer self-referencing. What begins to reference your self is openness and softness. When openness references your self, that opens your self in a way that’s uncommon to your usual sense of self. It opens your self into what a being is like. It opens nurture into your self, which all of the holdings in your self can’t relate to.
When you’re being that openness in your self because you’re letting openness and softness of heart have you and take you, that depth and quality of heart, that kind of humanness expands into your self. Everywhere there’s holding that comes up in your self, it will have that ground and the holding is gone. You can’t relate to it anymore.
This all moves as a being-takeover of your self – your being: you as a being. The deeper levels of you all relate to the levels of your being, all taking over the little self and opening it up into what is so inter-dimensional, multi-levelled … so big. That’s sort of like a bicycle turning into a spaceship.
Q: Thank you.
596 – Beyond Sadness and Pain: Happy Without a Reason
John reveals the source of the deep well of sadness and pain this person carries, and shares how she can reconnect with her original happiness.
595 – When a Crumb of Truth in Your Heart is Your Home
John responds to a spiritual dilemma: a desperate longing for realization, coupled with the fear of nothingness that seems to come with it.
594 – Fully Present in Your Body, Fully Present in Your Heart
Closing down to the experience of vulnerability can mean dissociating from the body. John shares a simple way to become more present however uncomfortable we feel.
593 – Honest to the Way of Your Heart
An exploration of how honesty and an open, soft heart are connected, taking us ever deeper into the unseen roots we could remain in forever.
591 – The Truth About Compassion
When is compassion self-centred, when is it real, and how can we tell? An exploration of what it means to be truly compassionate.
590 – Can I Return to My Awakening Experience?
One profound experience of a different level of consciousness had a profound impact on this person. How did it happen and can it be experienced again?
“My sole purpose is to be, in life, what we are after we’ve died. Through openness and softness of heart and core-splitting honesty at any personal cost, I live as that while actualizing the same in others I meet. I am available as a resource for anyone who recognizes and values this way of being.”
– John de Ruiter
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