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Excerpt from a discussion with John on August 29, 2011

Q1: Can I ask you about what’s happening, what’s occurring for me in the deep? I was in a realization, but it was a new sense of realization. I could viscerally feel it in my body and the realization was that I don’t need my self for this, what was occurring in the meeting last night, that I didn’t need to relate to my self. It had absolutely no place in that. When I woke up this morning, I saw a cause and effect in my self, that was the first event of something different in my self. It was the awareness of cause and effect. It was like a whole movement, a groundbreaking to be in that.

John: It is groundbreaking because the ground of your self has nothing to do with that.

Q1: And it’s no small thing because then I can really start to change from that. It’s going to effect everything.

John: The meetings are not the same in coming back.

Q1: No, they’re not. It’s visceral. It’s really like holding a level of it landing.

John: We’re in the next, so that will also be a new difficulty for people, because the way that you’ve been relating to meetings is also going to be different.

Q2: John, over the last week when the meetings first started I was aware that my soul was being soothed and then that changed for the last week, like being reshaped on the inside and then yesterday I just kept pondering it and watching it and then yesterday what came to me in the meeting was that my soul was being reformed.

John: It’s the same, fundamentally the same, as what she [Q#1] was referring to. It’s just your experience of it is different, and how it affects you is different, but it’s the same.

Q2: I was also wondering about ‘incidental.’ Is all of our life incidental? Is it what is happening on the inside?

John: In as much as anything of your life relates to your patterned self, it is incidental, but in as much as what’s taking place that is deeper than your self is manifesting in your life, then it’s critical.

Q3: In the meeting yesterday, I had the picture like for years you were breaking the ground and turning over stones and pulling weeds and then at the summer seminar, the seeds went in and then during the break, tiny roots were grown and then now we can see it. It’s really there. We can look at it. It’s so there.

John: It is.

Q3: And it’s so exciting. What are we to do? Where to go from there?

John: Being all in.

Q4: Is that part of the ‘all in?’ the focus… the complication…

John: Ultimately it’s being purified of every single distraction to knowledge without removing yourself from having a self or a person or life or being in this world. It’s extraordinary because that is the integration of everything.

Q5: Would that ability to be all in harness everything? I find myself attempting that in some way. I think it was yesterday there was awareness of wanting to be logged in, like how do I log in?

John: Have no relationship to ‘what ifs’. What if being only what you know the truth of means such and such to your self or your person. What if it turns into this or that. Or what if the cost is such and such. As long as there’s a ‘what if’ factor that can possibly hold your attention, then the ‘what if’ factor that doesn’t even exist as a reality serves as a distraction to you. So then illusion is your distraction.

Q5: A story…

John: It is, and that doesn’t mean that you are now out of control and anything can happen. What it means is that anything that you know the truth of is going to happen and anything that you don’t know the truth of, you are not going to do. It’s different.

Q5: Same as not drawing conclusions.

John: And anything that you do know the truth of you’ll not only draw a conclusion, you will be and you will do and it doesn’t matter what that will cost you.

Q5: In a meeting or even in dreams I’ve been able to… in meetings there seems to be the beginning of that. And then, it just seems like a challenge to bring that into my whole life, into my whole existence. So I just use what I can to try to support that or facilitate that or bring in my distraction, curtail it or use my awareness or my will to streamline myself into onlyness.

John: And in doing that, your self will no longer protect you. And that is more than critical and more than serious, that to you is like facing death. If your self is no longer there to protect you and the only thing that actually protects you is your relationship to knowledge, that puts you within the experience of yourself with no boundaries, completely, on a feelings level, completely possibly out of control.

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