JdR Podcast 365
From Boy to Man: Integrating Masculine Sexuality
A talk about integrating male energy, hormones, desire, and the way beyond boyhood into real sexual maturity.
"Your real power reveals itself as being natural gentleness that is rooted deep. It is that that knows what a man is: strength letting itself be gentle, instead of strength being strong in order to have something or get something."
—John de Ruiter
With John de Ruiter from the March 12, 2001, Byron Bay, Australia Event
Q: I heard you talk about being a woman yesterday, and I was wondering really whether it’s really the same in being a man.
John: At the very base of it yes. When awareness integrates consciousness, then it doesn’t just enter into being both man and woman, but it enters into being everything.
Q: That’s very simple, it seems very easy.
John: The only thing in the universe that does not cooperate with that, that which is natural and easy, is want and need.
Q: It’s not easy going past those two and being out in the world.
John: For okayness it’s easy. Okayness within finds it effortless.
Okayness cannot comprehend the energy of want. Okayness can be curious, okayness can desire. Okayness cannot comprehend want. Want is created when you mix personal insistence with desire. When you’re not using your power, then desire is clean. When you use your power in needing to have what it is that you cleanly desire, then what you have is want.
Desire all on its own, without it being mixed with personal insistence, is entirely clean. It has no hook in it. Desire is the new awakenings that come from within in okayness. When that awakening is mixed with the need to have, that it must have, then it’s no longer desire; then it’s want and need.
What turns a physical boy into a physical man is the physical integration of hormones. Your body may be integrating those hormones. That doesn’t mean that what you are as awareness is integrating the energy of those hormones. Just because there is a man’s body, that doesn’t mean that there is a man there. The same with a woman. When you integrate, as awareness, the sexual energy that comes from your body, that takes you apart as long as you’re not doing something with that energy; just being in it as is takes you apart and reveals the deep in you. Being in that without needing to do something with it turns a boy into a man. That opens up the deep in you and when you’re just being in it as is, then your own deep seasons you.
As you are integrating your innermost because you are being settled in the deep without needing to do something, then such integration of the deep manifests itself in breadth. You grow up to be a wide, high, strong tree that isn’t pretending anything. It’s all real. Using sexual energy for one’s self, being in sexual energy with self-interest, turns one’s self into being a counterfeit man, a taker and a user. Using sexual energy makes one the centre of the universe and no longer part of it. Being in such energy without needing to do something with it takes all of the patterns apart that you received from your ancestors, those patterns that need to be the centre of things. The experience of it is that it is taking you apart and you just very gently being in that, letting it do whatever it does, without you doing something with it.
Then your real power reveals itself as being natural gentleness that is rooted deep. It is that that knows what a man is: strength letting itself be gentle, instead of strength being strong in order to have something or get something. To the depth that you integrate your sexual energy by being in it without needing to do something as it takes you apart, as it cooks you, it is to that same degree that you have integrated being deeply in your body.
A counterfeit man uses power and takes power and that is how he loses it all. A real man very gently gives power. He can give it because he’s integrated it. It’s only what is integrated that can be given, and everything that is integrated naturally extends itself; it naturally gives itself away. You realize your real power when you become aware of it without needing to do something with it, without using it.
Integrated power moves as deeply rooted love. Non-integrated power, when it is being open and soft, when it is relaxed, then it is love, but it is not yet rooted in what is really is, so then it is fragile love. Want and need in context of feminine energy manifests itself as genius being manipulative. It knows how to use softness and openness to get exactly what it wants. Using the very essence of what it is to gain an advantage, to have something. Want and need in context of masculine energy just outright uses its genius to push and take what it wants. Both energies within one’s self are to be integrated. Being in all of the energies present without want or need, being in it as is, without needing to do something for one’s self within with that energy; just being one’s self within in the midst of every kind of energy.
Q: It is that that is so challenging when there’s all sorts of energies coming at you, or being around you, and remaining there.
John: It’s being in every kind of energy with your feet deeply in what you are as a being, while the rest of your body of awareness is receiving all of that energy in, in whichever way it affects you, without ever taking a step out of what you are as a being, to use that energy to create an advantage to get something just because you want something. When your feet are deeply inside of what you are as a being, then without effort you’ll be and do only what you know, right from your feet in the deep. Then it is what your feet are in that is nourishing your head. Then your thinking matches where your feet are. If your feet are planted in want or need, then that is what fills your head.
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