JdR Podcast 355
Love Without Attachment: Finding Your Golden Presence
This man is feeling lost in his experience of love and bonds with people, wondering how he can move rightly without falling into need, want and attachment. John explains that coming from the goldenness awakened to within is being true to what matters most, whichever direction he goes.
"The true has to do with you, the unseen goldenness within, and being that in whatever direction you move on the surface."
—John de Ruiter
With John de Ruiter from the June 5, 2016, Moen, Denmark Event
Q2: I have a question about bonds with people that I am close with. When I try to hold on for my self, then I’m lost. And I was feeling like it’s not true that I can be in love with someone, but I can see love in them. And in my heart I feel that they are so dear to me, but what I know in my heart is that it’s wrong to hold on. And if I try to have my own will and make things happen through my self and for a need in my self, then I’m lost and further from home.
John: It isn’t that it’s wrong, but until you are really of what is deeper than what is seen, even the pure and the lovely in what is seen misleads. When you awaken to unseen levels within, you are in a precarious in-between stage where you’re still functioning in levels that are seen, yet you know that you’re all about what you’ve awakened to. If you’re not established in what is unseen, as you engage strong energies in what is seen, they’ll easily take you away.
Having a bond and falling in love – all of that belongs to your being. Without being established in your being, moving in that bond and moving into a relationship on the basis of that bond and falling in love and having love is like surfing a wave. That wave won’t take you deeper into what you’re in. It takes you to where the wave ends. There isn’t anything wrong with that, but if you ride the wave, if you go with it, it’s going to take you some time again to get back out into the deep, so to speak. In the meantime, you will have gone through a whole cycle that has taken up your time, your energy, your life and a whole sense of importance.
You can be in both at the same time, but if you’re not established in your awakening, the bigger energies within what is seen that you participate in will most likely just occupy you, engage you in another cycle. You can go that cycle. It isn’t wrong. There’s much goodness in it, but the goodness that is really there isn’t going to save you from distraction. You can find goodness in anything that you do because you are there.
The illusion is that finding what you know is goodness in the midst of a particular direction makes that direction right, when that direction is neither right nor wrong. The goodness in any direction tells you about goodness. Instead of linking immediately the goodness to something that you’re doing, to a particular direction in your life, let the goodness come back to you so that you are being the golden thread of connectivity and that that thread isn’t based on anything that you’re doing. It isn’t based on what you can see, even though it does move through everything you can see.
If you’re not awakened, all of this doesn’t mean anything. If you’re not awakened, then you just live your life and you do what you honestly think is best. It’s that honesty that is the beginning of a golden thread. It becomes tied to everything on the surface but there will be a most quiet knowing, within, that that thread really has nothing to do with the surface.
It’s neither true nor untrue to move in a particular direction on the surface. The true has to do with you, the unseen goldenness within, and being that in whatever direction you move on the surface, and that your own golden presence doesn’t make a particular thing to do right.
The true is you, not something that you can do. The first true is you deeply getting what you are, that first has nothing to do with doing. You can’t do it. You can directly be pure you. As you become established in the unseen, the doing has to do with moving that unseen within what is seen.
It’s somewhat like the innocence of a small child. What matters is that magical innocence, not what that child does with its day.
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