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LiteratureSexualityTranscripts

When You Open You Are Free

Excerpt from a dialogue with John de Ruiter on December 10, 2015

Q: I notice in my intimate, sexual relationships that I can be in a moment of openness, comfort and radiance, and then if I’m spoken to in a way that feels aggressive, unkind or mean I’m very quick to close my heart and my being. I really don’t enjoy that experience. What should I do when my heart feels hurt?

John: Quite simply, at absolutely any cost, don’t close.

Q: Why? That feels like the only way to feel safe.

John: You don’t need to feel safe. As soon as you have a fundamental need of safety, you must close. You will close and as soon as you do, you separate from essence of safety and you secure your loss of innocence.

Q: So it’s not about leaving the room or having to remove my self to go some place that feels better. I can still stay. This is where I get confused.

John: You can do either, but in the midst of whatever it is that you do, open.

Q: To what?

John: Openness doesn’t have an object. This openness is what you really are. You cannot be deeply happy if you’re not opening. You opening unconditionally, without the focus of object or result, is what singularly makes you happy.

Q: So no matter where I am, with whom, what’s going on or how I feel, I open. Is that what you’re saying?

John: Yes. Injury and offence will continue but instead of taking it you’ll receive it. It’s in receiving it that you’re free of it. It’s in taking injury and offence that you lock injury and offence into your self.

Q: Once I receive it, what do I do with it?

John: It will pass all the way through you. The gift of that is it shows you how deep you go. It will keep revealing to you depths of your being.

Q: So when injury and harshness come my way it’s an opportunity to experience the depths of my being?

John: By you opening, yes. All of the resources of closing are your conditioning. All of the resources of opening are your being.

Q: So thinking that opening is scary is my conditioning?

John: Yes, but when you are honest to what you know in your heart, you love opening.

Q: I do.

John: Nothing prevents you, not your past, not your conditioned self, not your circumstances, and not others. That means that when you open, you are free.

Q: And is it OK to invite people and circumstances that support opening also?

John: You don’t need to invite it all in. It will all come. As you close, it all comes. As you open, it all comes. You love opening.

Q: I’ll get a T-shirt that says that! I get really sad when I’m closed.

John: That’s good. All of the results of your closing are so good. When it makes you miserable and angry, that’s so good. That means that you don’t really get away with fooling your self and in that way, even when you close, help is coming.

Q: That’s a nice way to look at it.

Join the discussion 4 Comments

  • Julie says:

    Dialogue that is lovely 🙂

    Australia 🙂

  • Gary Gregoire says:

    Love the depth of clarity with very few words being uttered. Beautiful!

  • Itai Gal says:

    Love it!
    Thank you John.
    You are so dear to me

  • Dana Williams says:

    In relation to the question “so when injury and harshness come my way it’s an opportunity to experience the depths of my being?” Your answer John, was yes, it is always an opportunity to open one’s heart and seek further growth. I assess and identify immediately the other side of the spectrum in your answer that is not in the median/center of the actual reality of each one of our subjective and objective existence.

    I would like to ask you John and deepen your answer to what occurs when the subject of injury and/or harshness is repetitive in nature? Do you believe that every opportunity is one to experience positive/great depth in one’s being ? Do you, John, believe that what doesn’t kill you truly makes you stronger? On the other side of the philosophical spectrum, how was the terms/phrases “pain and suffering” integrated in our legislative arena and injustices with outcomes of (fortunate) modifiable and unmodified psychological conditions with treatable pharmacological interventions develop and are implemented in today’s world? Do we just brush this realistic and reality under the rug and try to pull out the opportunity for injury and harshness to make us a better, stronger, and enlightened that is an opportunity to be or open? Or is closing one’s heart only a understandable human reaction to real hurt and real injustices that are understandably conditioned by external variables and met by a understandable human reaction to our God given emotions that He has instilled for our very own protection and reasoning between right and wrong, good or bad, and what is morally acceptable and morally to create social justices principles in society?

    Where does a person truly draw the line of true injustices, crimes of humanity, and real abuses of physical, mental, and economical realms only to justify or minimize them into internal opportunities for growth, development, or to open our hearts for love? Are real changes occurring in our world on all global populations by just turning each injustice or hurt into changing our perceptions to pull out the good and feel internal peace? How is that approach going to assess, identify, plan, implement, and evaluate needed changes to increase social justice principles and interventions that decrease inhumane treatment in all populations? Perceptions do not create change, they only identify certain attributes/correlations that seek further clarification to our feelings and promote awareness of the rationale of our experience. Awareness and our perception does not create change, planning and implementing the steps for greater humanity does.

    When the median or the balance with people and in life’s experiences are understood, developed, and implemented in lives of human beings between harshness and lovingness (i.e. the ying and the yang), then I will integrate the teachings of positive opportunity for the true innocence of an open heart to further grow and care. Until then, the existence of our emotions and our right to self protection through our feelings for our survival and sanity, understanding of those feelings, rationales to implement certain actions based off of fear, anger, sadness, and regret, and to develop necessary changes to move forward that provides each human being the opportunity for further growth, development, and opening our heart to humanity and love. Sticking to one side of the spectrum in your philosophical theory is understood and promoted, however, we must not forget nor neglect our rightful human abilities to disperse the various external variables that are connected to our internal variables and are needed to evolve to a healthy level of living and not a level of denial to keep a person in their comfort zones by changing/manipulating their perceptions while never identifying or implementing needed change.

    Thank You John for your knowledge and your enlightenment. You touch on profound facts and interesting conceptual approaches that indeed does create peace, harmony, and internal happiness. However, there are issues in our global world today where opening our hearts while finding the good in the inhumane and unfair environments, rulers, governments, and guidelines do not promote justice nor create needed change. We must find what works for us, and your approach indeed instills love from the framework of humanitarian fundamentals. We did not make the rules, but thank God there are rules creates solace, security, and structure. However, we must evaluate and reflect the data to synthesize if those “rules” are just, fair, equal, and balanced to create win win outcomes for all aggregates.

    Thank you John for your input and I hope that others truly can synthesize your information and further evaluate the median/balance that we all need to fully function and to integrate a healthy mindset and a purposeful life in each one of our existences.

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