Excerpt from a dialogue with John de Ruiter on September 20, 2014
Q: You’ve spoken about catching the smallest reaction, which can prevent emotional situations escalating, but even to speak to you in front of all these people makes me nervous. I don’t think it’s closing my heart, but I do feel it limits how deeply I can go into the connection with you.
John: All it means is that you don’t have the development in your self for you to be able to step into a situation like this and speak without your comfort zone being stretched. As soon as your comfort zone is stretched, you feel the energy of that. It goes into your body so then your heart rate increases. That doesn’t mean that you’re closing or hardening.
Q: How can I address this in a constructive way?
John: Within all of the little things in your life, be and do what you know in your heart, regardless of how that stretches your comfort zone. As soon as you experience the difficulty in your self because you don’t have the development to move forward comfortably in something that’s clear to you, that experience in your self doesn’t slow you down. You’ll simply be and do what you know, and if your heart is completely racing and you hardly know what to do with your self, it won’t stop you. You’ll still be and do what you know. In that way, through the little things in your life, you’ll be constantly moving past your self. Your self doesn’t determine what you be and what you do, so then you’re in a real position of parenting your self.
What you know in your heart is always bigger than your self, so then it’s your heart that leads your self and not your self that leads your heart. In that way your self is like a child, and you know more than your child, so in all the little things of your life you’ll be raising your child; you’ll be bringing the child up. You’re the parent. I’m not saying that you have a childish self, but the development of your self does not match what you really are.
Q: I just don’t understand why this reaction is so persistent. I’ve met it and confronted it so many times in my life.
John: Your self, in its levels, in all of its form, doesn’t represent you. No-one’s self perfectly represents what he or she really is. Your being and all of its levels and forms perfectly represent everything of what you really are. The invitation in that, once you see the difference, is for you to be what your being is like, and to rest in it in the midst of a self whose form is not yet like your own being. In that way, you’ll be teaching, guiding and raising your self. In all of your life, in all of the little things, you’ll be moving past your self, because you always know better than your self.