Excerpt from a discussion with John de Ruiter on April 11, 2012 in Edmonton, Canada

John: Sexuality goes as deep as all of reality.

Q1: How so? It’s like the energy of sexuality?

John: Sexuality has to do with communion. Sexuality has to do with fundamental communication. Through sexuality you can communicate not just as a self and as a person; you can communicate as a heart; you can communicate as deeper knowledge; you can communicate as a being and you can communicate as the calling. You can communicate as what is deeper than anything you’re familiar with. Your sexuality goes deeper than anything you have awakened to yet . If you look at how sexuality has distorted in this world, all of the extremes, all of the energy that goes into it, basically there’s no greater energy than sexuality. So when you see how far it goes on the surface in terms of distortion, that also gives you somewhat of an idea that somehow everything is all about sexuality.

Q1: But the sexuality is distorted because of distortion of a heart not following what it knows?

John: When anyone is just being in their heart, sexuality is something completely different from how it is distorted in a really coarse way, in terms of an appetite. In the heart, the dearness that’s communicated in sexuality is obvious. People are familiar with that, but sexuality goes much deeper than the heart.

Q1: And what about somebody who is alone?

John: Sexuality isn’t dependent on sex. You don’t need sex for sexuality because sexuality has to do with your real capacity to be one with something. So if you look at it from that perspective, it’s completely different than your experience of sexuality in terms of the appetite that chemistry brings about in your body. That’s your experience of sexuality. That’s not really what sexuality is.

Q1: How to know more of that quality of sexuality that you’re talking about?

John: As soon as meeting and meaning matters more than getting something then that changes your whole orientation within what sexuality is. Then your experience of sexuality is immediately different. As soon as you come from something different, your experience of sexuality changes.

Q1: It has nothing to do with sex per se?

John: Well it does when you’re in it. Your misuse of it or your orientation in it.

Q2: And what about the communion that you mentioned?

John: You could be in communion without being in a physical relationship. You can fully be in your own sexuality from much deeper levels, so that turns into a physical manifestation of what most profound communion is and that can take place just within your own body, within your own awareness.

Q2: So if I’m in profound communion with a tree, that’s sexuality?

John: Yes.

Q2: Because I’m experiencing oneness?

John: Yes.

Q2: So when I hear the sounds of nature because I’m one with it?

John: Yes.

Q2: I see, I didn’t realize that.

Q1: So then you’re like a walking sexuality, right?

John: Yes.

Q2: I see now to be open to sexual feeling is to be open to everything that I experience oneness with.

John: Don’t confine it to that; your concept of what you’re saying is going to restrict in your thinking what you’re talking about. So it will narrow the field of what sexuality is. It will narrow it to what you’re talking about.

Q2: So how do I open it up again?

John: The easiest is to let your sexuality open in your body because of what you’re awakening to on much deeper levels and to let the opening of your sexuality move into your blood without you giving it focus or direction. So don’t have a focus on being able to be one with a tree or to have communion with this or that or even within your own body. Don’t confine it to anything that you are thinking because for you to be surrendered to the depth of it, as it move, you will come into a depth of understanding. You don’t need to hold to an understanding.

Q2: What is sexuality without sex? Because people relate to sexuality as sex, right?

John: The deeper you go within, the more your sexuality will be activated because your body is activated. When your body is activated your sexuality opens and moves. So you don’t have to open it. It opens and now you’re left with experiencing your own sexuality in some way and then having a response or a reaction within your self because of either liking it or not liking it.

Q1: So what did you say to do for that to come about?

John: That has nothing to do with your sexuality. That has to do with what you belong to. What you as awareness belong to.

Q1: And then that would permeate into the self and different levels?

John: Your sexuality and everything else. They’re all result.

Q1: The action of giving your self to this knowing. That’s honesty, right? Because that’s the belonging, it’s already what you belong to, right, so it’s just being honest and eliminate the trickiness that deviates from that. Because when you’re really on what is true, it’s already belonging, right?

John: And you can trick your self. You can say in your heart and in your mind what you belong to, but that doesn’t mean you’re actually belonging to that.

Q1: When you’re really honest all the way in a very simple way. Like this trip I realized something, I had a dream that showed my dishonesty. It was a simple dream, ordinary, but what I saw was, it hit me in the right spot that showed me that I still hide behind what I belong to.

John: Expose it and change it.

Q2: What do you mean, expose to my self or expose to the world?

John: Expose it to the light, basically just come clean. Come clean of all of that.

Q2: So what happened in the seminar that just opened up, that’s really what I need to do, just to continue to open up and resonate with the calling, whatever is opening up and enter as much as I enter and really not to focus on anything else.

John: And that will increase what is opening in you.

Q2: I’m so glad about this discussion at the table.

John: What’s opening in you needs to open and it’s a result of something different.

Q2: So just to open up to what’s resonating and opening?

John: And that will make what’s opening open even more strongly, and when it does, then you stay
with the cause of that and not your experience of it. Stay with the cause of that and that will make it even stronger again. And there’s a real purpose to that energy in your body, so you don’t want to just be ignoring it. You need to have your presence in it as well.

Q2: This kind of stuff means a lot to me. I sit here, but I’m moving, but I’m sitting.

Q3: Can I share quick question? I laid down to go to sleep after sitting right behind the questioner chair all night. There was this black, like fog. It was visual, I mean it wasn’t actual, but I could see it. I don’t know what that was.

John: There will be a lot of things like that taking place and as time goes on that will be increasing with rapidity, depth and strength, along with a lot of other things that are not good and pleasant. Just like with a gold rush. When it’s found out that gold is struck in such and such a place, everything shows up. You get the thieves and the cut throats and the hard workers. Everything happens really fast and you have a mixed bunch because it attracts everything. So this is going to attract everything.

Q4: When I came to the table when I was volunteering, I couldn’t believe the level of consciousness that was sitting at the table around you. It’s just incredible what you give out. It’s so rare. But it’s your purpose. It’s just a side effect.

Q1: But it’s seems like we can just let go and just step into it; it seems so easy. We had our little men’s group and I said why don’t we just step into this depth and we travel together and I was so surprised, I thought everybody say oh yeah, let’s do it but it was so weird, so palpable and then it happened anyway in a short time. Everyone that needs it, we get full of energy just like I feel at the table here, so palpable. Sometimes I see people, behind their eyes, everything is already there, if we just take that off, you know what I mean?

John: You need to be in it more and say less.

Q1: You mean right now or in that time?

John: More than just now, but yes. What happens is you start to experience something and you spend it on talking. You spend it on being in it in an outward way instead of letting the reservoir fill and fill and fill. It starts to fill a little bit and you let it out because it gives you an experience. So it satisfies you, and you’re spending it. You’re spending it too easily and too quickly.

Q1: So you just keep it and let it build?

John: It’s like every pay cheque, you get your pay cheque, a lot of people when they’re young get their pay cheque and they go out and spend the whole thing.

Q1: I get excited, I just want to explode, but I hear you.

John: Okay, you get your cheque and you spend it. Don’t spend your cheque as fast as you get it.

Q4: Yesterday you said to Tamara about a lake. There’s a big energy field in the lower part of my body. So is it to give it to the body of knowledge or that’s too much already. Just be with it?

John: Let it be in your whole body and it doesn’t need to move in a direction. It doesn’t need to have an outlet. So then it’s like putting money in the bank, you don’t need to spend it. You can put it in the bank. If you have no really good reason to put it into something, then your bank account just fills and fills and fills. But as it keeps filling you will be more and more aware of how much all of this can buy and do. That, in a sense, puts the pressure on you to go and have something because you have all these means to have something. But just because you have the means doesn’t mean you should have something.

Q4: In this book I was reading that it was to bring it up and pull it into the subtle body. Like when you have a lot of energy just pull it up and put it into the body, right?

John: Your body is the bank. Just let it be in the bank. You don’t need to do anything with it.