JdR Podcast 279
Sexual Healing Through the Magic of Adding Warmth
What is deeper sexuality? John explains the connection between our sexuality and our heart, and between our sexuality and our being. The more that our sexuality is connected to our being, the more that sexuality can move in a true way. There is no need to heal distortions, only to remain in your heart in the midst of them.
"When your sexuality moves, your being is moved and when your being is moved your sexuality is moved. With the direct connection, each moves the other. That makes your own sexuality your on-going awakening."
—John de Ruiter
With John de Ruiter from the January 8, 2015 Edmonton, Canada Winter Seminar
Q: I would like to give voice to my heart. I’m noticing that my body is listening instead of my ears listening, and in my body listening I am able to connect with the body of knowledge. At first when you spoke about sexuality I did not know what sexuality actually means for me. If I relate to my being, in the core of me there is this universal knowing. There is so much energy. There is such a span of ability, capability – everything. There is no distortion. However, when I relate to my self, I see that there is distortion, but underneath it there’s the being and there is no distortion. I’m not certain if the distortion would actually heal by itself, or if I could just relate immediately to the being.
John: Yes, but more specifically to relate to your heart. From there you relate to your being.
Q: What I also saw from my heart is that my arms and my hands are the extension of my heart. When I touch people that is really the entrance to my heart and to other people’s hearts. I see that I have a love for communication. Would it be true to say that communication could be my calling?
John: You can say that it is a most meaningful direction for you.
Q: The biggest challenge that I have is to not relate to my distorted self but to always, no matter what, relate to my undistorted being.
Q: Then the next step would be to give that form through my heart?
John: Your self isn’t all distorted, but where it is, yes.
Q: Relate or follow through what I know in my self, what is not distorted. And what is distorted, go to my being.
Q: When I take things personally, I see that I relate to my distorted self, but is it also true that sometimes you need more than “do not take it personally”?
John: Such as, adding warmth. It means more to add warmth than to not take something personally. To not take something personally can easily be an exercise of one’s self, but when you add warmth some of your own beingness is brought into your person.
Q: I would only be able to do it if I see I’m taking my self personally?
John: Yes, and when you see, add warmth.
Q: And then if I don’t see it and I do take something personally, and another is pointing out to me: “don’t take it personally”…
John: Then add warmth.
Q: I can just be happy for them to point it out to me so I can add warmth to it!
John: You’re going to do very well!
Q: I have one more question. Certain women are able to fully commit themselves to their partners. The thought of that scares me and I was wondering would I ever be able to fully give me to somebody else? How could I love my being more? In what kind of physical form could I do that?
John: Most delicately be in your sexuality, and let the energy of that directly connect to your heart, and through your heart to delicacies and streams of being.
Q: Will that find its way in form in this world?
John: It doesn’t need to. Your own sexuality, in this, becomes directly connected to your being. As that unfolds, when your sexuality moves your being is moved, and when your being is moved your sexuality is moved. With the direct connection, each moves the other.
That makes your own sexuality your on-going awakening. Directly connected to your being, your sexuality has unlimited reach into everything you have awakened to. As your sexuality moves because it’s directly connected to your being, and that moves your being, your own sexuality aligns the levels of your self to your being. Through your sexuality you integrate your self. Your sexuality is in your self and, as it moves, it directly moves your being which brings your being through your heart into your self.
When your sexuality is connected to your being, the more that you know the truth, the more your sexuality moves.
Q: That is, for me, to integrate the distortion in my self?
John: No. You don’t integrate your distortions, you be in your heart in the midst of them. You are infusing your environment with what you’re being in your heart. When that is within a distortion, the distortion relaxes. It opens and it softens. It will be as you are, as you are in it.
You integrate the goodness of your self. Your self is good: it’s innocent. Where your self is distorted, it is not less good. It is still innocent. It relaxes. It opens and softens. In adding warmth to every aspect of your self, regardless of how circumstances or others affect your self, within anything that affects your self you immediately add warmth.
Concerning your sexuality, be warmed in your heart in the midst of your sexuality. Your response to your own sexuality is that you are warmly in it: not exploiting it, not moving away from it, that you are completely present in it, warmed. That makes what you are being in it the beginning of its alignment to your being, because you’re being like your own being in the midst of it.
If your sexuality moves while you’re with others, your response is that you are warmly in it. That orients your sexuality to your heart while you’re with others. As you continue in that, your sexuality continues to move but it doesn’t stop in your heart or toward your heart. It moves through your heart to your being, while you’re with others. That moves your being. Your being, moved, moves up into your self. As it does, your being moves directly to others.
Q: In meeting each other in that togetherness …
John: That togetherness of warmth. It’s through the extension of warmth.
Q: I’m seeing this togetherness of warmth is actually a whole new fundament to live from.
John: Yes. The more that your sexuality moves, the more that your being is directly moved. When your being is moved, your self is warmed. When your self is warmed, in your self you are able to see others. In your self, you can’t see just because you think and feel. In your self, you see when you’re warmed. When your being is not in your self, then in your self you cannot see.
Q: Because it’s actually occupied with your self.
John: It isn’t your self that is it. It’s your being that is it. Concerning anything that is real, if your being isn’t in it, it’s not real. Your self tells you what is real in physical reality. The presence of your own being tells you what is much more deeply real within everything.
When you are warmed, within, toward someone else, you can see. But having thought and feeling toward someone else doesn’t mean you can see. It’s through your thinking and your feeling that you believe you see, but it’s when you are warmed, within, toward someone that you know you see. It’s through your own being that you see, that you can really see someone. The warmth is the beginning.
Q: The warmth is the beginning of really seeing.
Q: Is it for me to practise bringing warmth into everything where it’s not?
John: Yes. The best part of this is you know what you’re saying. When you say it, you really know what you’re saying. You’re not saying something that’s abstract.
Q: When you say that, it’s as if you grind it even more in me, in a dear way.
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