JdR Podcast 258
The Healing and Fulfillment of Your Human Sexuality
How do you heal and fulfill your sexuality? What is human sexuality for? In this talk John explains how to connect your sexuality to your being, building a new self in place of what was old, a self that is free to move just like your being. Your sexuality is your greatest human power; you integrating that power transforms your sexuality, self and your life.
"You’re not really going to know the depth of what your sexuality is without your sexuality belonging to your being and being freely moved in your self by your being. In the same way, you don’t really get to know your self without your subconsciousness unconditionally freed to move all through your conscious self, and there be opened and healed."
—John de Ruiter
With John de Ruiter from the October 1, 2017 Edmonton, Canada Meeting
Q: What I’m newly seeing and loving has to do with opening in a way I have not dared. It touches on that in me that has real love for honesty, to see what I haven’t been able to see.
The other thing is the levels of power that are coming in and how to allow them in my forms. I see how much I hold on to, that I don’t need. That when I move from direct knowledge or knowing, in being direct knowing I don’t even relate to whether I’m honest or not.
John: If you relate to direct knowledge, the way that it is true that you don’t need to see if you’re honest or not, is that you don’t need to reference your self, you don’t need to check in with your self.
Q: So when I move from that into my surface forms that are so undeveloped, to move and do I still use old structures to handle situations. Is this just also something I don’t need to give attention to?
John: Give your attention to what you directly know, and to the new. You don’t need to work with what is old, because you are taken in newness.
Q: And the lacks and the gaps will just slowly be filled in?
John: Yes. Filled in first with direct knowledge through your response, and then filled with more form, beingness, through your response.
Q: And this is where direct knowledge and honesty are the same?
Q: So I see right now that my whole relation to the concept of honesty is also in the old relating, in the self referencing.
John: Your self doesn’t tell you if you’re honest, you do.
Q: And in this I see that the honesty is still first to a quietness inside of me.
John: What you most deeply quietly know, yes.
Q: How can I move newly? How can I move new with you, here, now?
Q: It’s like I’m lifted up and I reach this point still this point where if I go further, I think I would lose you. What is that?
John: Go further because you know, regardless of what you think.
Q: I want to go past that point. I want to go far, far. Why do I love that?
John: Because in that – and more – you belong.
Q: When you say “that’s where you belong” is that like an ultimate somewhere that I know?
Q: So what I am and what I belong in, is it a principle?
John: It’s a principle of being and a principle of what’s deeper – a different principle from the self principle.
Q: My sense is that I can never arrive.
John: You can arrive, in the same way that when you are in your self, in the way of being about your self, you’re able to arrive in your heart. You can also arrive in what’s deeper than your heart. It’s not the arrival; it is an arrival.
Q: Is it moving as consciousness as arrival after arrival? And every arrival opens into something that shows itself, or opens fully and then folds in on itself, and opens the next. Is that a way to say it?
John: Through arriving you’re building.
Q: Because now consciousness is in that? Now consciousness awakens in that?
John: Consciousness is at home in it, without return.
Q: Meaning then there is only the next … and the next …
John: Because of what you’ve already come to, so it is real building. What is put in place, because of what you’ve come into and what you’re being, remains in place, and the next that you move into rests on what you’ve already arrived in. What you arrive in doesn’t then fold in on itself: quite the contrary. It comes into further form, so what you arrive in, what you’ve awakened to and what you’re being form new perspective in your self.
This new perspective, formed from within the deep, is what controls your self instead of your subconsciousness controlling your self. What you arrive in of the deep then comes further up into form into your self, and there masters and re-shapes your self. What is in place in the deep becomes seen in your self.
Q: In a way it’s not new what I’m going to say, but I want to confirm that all there is for me is a way of being.
John: Deeper than that. Yes, but deeper than that.
Q: A way of moving?
John: Yes, but deeper than that. All there really is for you, awareness, is knowing: knowing the truth and being it.
Q: And that knowing has, in my experience, no form.
John: And as you’re being it, it comes into form.
Q: Yes, so first it has no form so, so that means that first there is a way of being or relating to just that.
John: It doesn’t fold into itself. It does unfold into form and that folds into what is next.
Q: On different occasions I’ve experienced in a meeting that the level I was in would open to a point and then it would go black. It was like I physically died and I got in that movement experience to let it all go in a more personal way, or in a heart level, human way. It was real black, as if, if I would let it, I would not be here anymore. There would be no consciousness.
John: If you would let it, you would be here even more.
Q: Yeah. I kind of knew that.
John: But in ways that you’ve not known about.
Q: I knew it was very, very powerful and I stopped it because it was scary, and then I wanted it back. I could not do that, of course, but there was this sense that it would turn totally black – pitch black: gone from everything, and open in something else. I just saw that I was holding on. Is there more to say to that if it comes again?
John: As it unfolds into your self, it is also necessarily released from your self, so from the perspective of your self it is a death. From the perspective of your being, it is a decrease that displaces the space in your self. Real creation: pure you, from the innermost outwards, building.
Q: Now there’s a question coming in that might be of something very different, but I want to know how is sexuality related in what we’re talking about?
Q: Would you say more? I can’t find a question. I want to know more.
John: As your sexuality relates it becomes integrated in your self by you, a being.
In whichever way that your sexuality relates because you know, your being, moving through your sexuality masters your self, re-constituting your self, building a new self in the place of what was old. A self that moves like your being, a self that is the same as your being, increment by increment, bit by bit, building.
Q: I’m suddenly aware of the time. I know I have more to ask but I don’t know if there’s more time.
John: Your time belongs to what matters.
Q: Okay. I think the reason the question about sexuality came up is because mine has changed in a way that it’s almost not-existing, at the same time as it’s everything.
John: There’s no higher-level creation without it.
Q: When I’m responding, opening, arriving I’m building. Is that sexuality?
John: As that comes into form in your self, it’s not going to be without your sexuality. As that comes into your sexuality it brings up everything in your self that you haven’t dealt with and it brings up, in your sexuality, what hasn’t been integrated by you as a being in your self.
Q: I don’t know where it would come from. Is it just waves; would it just naturally open?
John: You’re not really going to know the depth of what your sexuality is without your sexuality belonging to your being and being freely moved in your self by your being. In the same way, you don’t really get to know your self without your subconsciousness unconditionally freed to move all through your conscious self, and there be opened and healed.
Q: And what do I do? How do I open that to invite it more?
John: You, awareness, unconditionally being ‘yes’ to knowing at any personal expense.
Q: When I relate to direct knowing it takes me to my brain and it takes me, actually, first, it takes me away from my body.
John: And then, freed, goes right into your nervous system, changing and creating. A different brain makes for a different sexuality, a different self, a different existence. A brain opened and formed by direct knowledge freed because you’re being it.
Q: Right now I’m sensing these deeper levels of power, this unusual power that I can see that I’m invited to let in to my self.
John: Into your sexuality that is free to have your self. Your sexuality is your greatest human power. You, integrating that power as a being, opens you into your much greater powers.
Q: When you said that it just shifted in me, or I shifted into another form. I shifted into what I relate to as a future self.
Q: In this I’m clearly of another species.
John: Your sexuality freely given by you to that level of direct knowledge in you is what frees the power of that level into your self.
Q: And I’ll have to take it with me but I don’t know how to do that.
John: In your self you don’t know, but this direct knowledge doesn’t come from your self. It’s in a level of you that is other than your self.
Q: Clearly, yes. So by relating to this, coming from this as I move around, that’s going to open my sexuality into this?
John: You being given – absolutely given – to this level of direct knowledge opens you to the much more of you, with your sexuality then belonging to the much more of you. That’s a different sexuality. It’s a sexuality that you in your self cannot relate to.
The sexuality in your self is like an acorn. It’s like a seed, complete in what it is but the seed has yet to be planted. As it’s planted in what you are as a being it ceases being a seed and it grows into something like a tree. The tree comes from the seed as the seed is given to the ground. It won’t come back a seed. You fulfill direct knowledge by being it. Direct knowledge then is freed to fulfill your sexuality by being it.
Q: It’s clear I cannot approach this with any trying to understand.
John: You approach your sexuality by you being absolutely given to direct knowledge.
Q: Released into my physical forms.
John: Yes. You, awareness, freely taken by direct knowledge, frees your power.
Q: My sense when you speak is that, then I’m no longer in this world; I’m not living in it.
John: You’ll live in it. The much more of you will have life in this world, all on terms of direct knowledge manifested in your self. You’ll be alien to this world, that comes with alien skill to move in this world.
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