JdR Podcast 442
Out of Pain and Into Love
Why is it that love in relationship often comes with mental, emotional and physical pain? John describes the belief systems and sense of individuality this all comes from, and how to make a full return to the love that we were born to be.
"You believing that you need to be loved separates you from love. The belief that you need to be loved, love is incapable of relating to."
—John de Ruiter
With John de Ruiter from the May 25, 2018 Poleg Beach, Israel Event
Q: Hi John. I want to ask about the connection between love and physical pain. I don’t have an actual question. The word that comes up for me is frustration and intensity.
John: There isn’t a connection. The love there in you, it’s you, is real and it’s able to be actual, but it doesn’t actualize in your life without you. The pain that’s there, mental or emotional or physical, is actual but it’s not real.
Q: I notice more than ever, lately, that the pain comes with the feeling of something lacking, that has to do with love in relationship.
John: It doesn’t. It has to do with your beliefs about love and where you would like to have it, but without you being given to it.
You believing that you need to be loved separates you from love. That belief, the belief that you need to be loved, love is incapable of relating to. The beingness that holds together the belief that you need to be loved is not a real beingness. If you relax within that beingness, that beingness stops. It ends. It’ll cease being actual because it is not real. If you don’t empower it, it ends. It’s actualized by what you put into it.
When that input ends because your input, your power, is given to what you really are, which is the beingness of love, all of your beliefs with all of their pain will end. Your whole belief system, your whole belief structure, is your pain management system. It keeps you in your pain. The pain makes much of your self and nothing of what you know, so that makes you, in your life, invisible. Without your belief system, you, what you really are in the midst of everything in your life, would be so visible. There’s no circumstance, no difficulty, no hardship, just no negative and no positive that can cover you.
Q: You say “belief system.” It sounds like something so big.
John: It’s bigger than big. It comprises the whole of your experience of your self.
Q: My complete experience of my self?
John: Your experience of your self, but not including your experience of your heart. But every thought and feeling that you have, every emotion you have, every little movement of will that you have that isn’t moved and governed by nurture is governed by your belief system, and none of that is real. It is an actual self that is so not real, and that self of yours belongs and is made for the real. It’s all made for the love, there, in you.
Q: I hear those voices all the time. I feel my heart and then I hear the voices and a lot of times I go to the voices because I feel like the heart would be too intimidating right now, would be wrong or too much.
John: The heart is not intimidating and the heart on its own doesn’t make anything wrong. When you’re in your heart and you stay there while you’re in your self, that will definitely bring up the vulnerability of your self. It’ll bring up all of the lack that is there in your self. It’ll bring it up into your nervous system and into your experience and while that’s there, because you are in your heart, remain opening and softening in your heart. This is your life. You have no other real life. This enables you to continue where you left off when you left your innocence.
Follow this through, live from within your heart, unconditionally, at any personal expense, and you will lose all of the edges that you’ve used to define your sense of individuality that you’ve used to define your self. It’ll bring you right back, within your interior, that will show in your face and in your eyes. It’ll bring you right back to essence of baby, developing as an adult.
Q: I’m ready to lose my individuality. My heart is ready and I’m ready, but my body’s, like, twenty steps behind.
John: You’ve trained it that way. But if you’re being deeply clear, based only on what you know in your heart, your body will all open just like you. Your body will come along with you; your body opens as you really do.
When you ‘sort of’ open, your body then also ‘sort of’ opens. What you register in that is where all of the tightness is, that isn’t opening. When you ‘sort of’ open, that shows you where the tightness is. When you open all the way through, a complete, unconditioned opening, what you see with your body is how open everything really is. With your whole body you register everything that is real.
That’s your being filling your body. It’s your life as a body of being.
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