JdR Podcast 395
Is My Spiritual Awakening Real?
Questioning the truth of an awakening experience she had, the woman in this dialogue wants to know how she can be sure it was real. John gives a somewhat surprising answer and explains the difference between certainty in your self and real knowledge.
"Now that you have really known you, love that you know instead of doubting what you know. When you love what you know, you fill with joy. When you doubt what you know, you fill with emptiness."
—John de Ruiter
With John de Ruiter from the November 1, 2018 Poleg Beach, Israel Event
Q: Hi. A few weeks ago I had this huge understanding that I can do whatever I want with my life, that I can live my life however I want, and it was scary and exciting. And then I started to question my self and to have doubts.
John: Don’t. Doubt informs you only of all of the lack that’s in your self. Your self isn’t like you yet, so if you listen to your self that will fill you with your self. It will fill you with lack. Your self is full of lack, imperfect and incomplete, whereas you, rested within, you rested in you, have no lack and no incompleteness.
What you experienced was you being you from the innermost outwards, all the way out into the surface, all the way out into your self, your personality and your life. It was so rich, so good, so real, so true that when you would consult your self, it was way good to be true. You were surprised by the deep, natural, perfect flow of you. You moved as a being. It’s like you stumbled into your being and you moved as a being, in your self, in your personality, in your life, so you had a real taste of what it is like for you to live.
Q: It’s scary, a little bit. It was really powerful. Maybe I need to hear it again, but how can I be sure that…?
John: You can’t. You can’t be sure of this at all. When you want to be sure, you’re representing your self. Your self doesn’t get to be sure of this. You either believe what you know, or you look to your self for help. You don’t need to be sure of what you know. Being sure means that in your self you’re confident of what you know. Being sure is a state in your self. Being sure isn’t you. Knowing is you. Being what you know is you.
Q: I thought that maybe it was the self, my emotions, high or low, or fears, I don’t know, but I started thinking “maybe it’s the self. Maybe it’s all emotions that I felt that I want to fulfill.”
John: Maybe this and maybe that, until it’s all gone. But when you were in it, it wasn’t a maybe. When you were in it, it was perfection.
Q: So I should do it: follow this voice, follow this.
John: Yes. Believe what you know and like believing what you know regardless of what it all seems like to your self. To your self it will be some kind of too much. To your self it’ll be scary because it is so much more than your self.
Q: It feels crazy.
John: To your self, but not to you.
Q: I need to separate this from me, to start to, but I don’t know how.
John: Like the difference. Like that you know the difference. Like that you know the difference between you and your self; that your self is not you, and you are able to be you, in your self. That’s what your self is for. It’s form, incomplete, imperfect form that is full of lack, that you get to be you in.
Q: To be above my self? This is what you mean?
John: You being way more than your self, in all of your self, and your self will become, in time, just like you. Then your self really will be form of you, whereas now it isn’t form of you. Your self isn’t form of you, yet. The design of your self is that it’s available form for you. Its imperfection and its lack makes no difference. When you’re being you, in your self, your self quickly changes for you, and your self becomes just like you. It takes some time.
Q: The self is really powerful, sometimes. I just forget me inside of all of that.
John: It’s quite powerful, but nothing at all like you. You are way more than your self. You’ve been overestimating your self and greatly underestimating you.
Q: So how can I start to change it; to start being me?
John: By not needing to, and by you just really liking being you. You know the difference between you and your self. Love that difference. Love being that difference. Your self doesn’t need to change. I’m just telling you that it will, but that’s beside the point.
Q: So just to trust my self and listen to me, to grow that part inside of me?
John: That’s your new life. That’s your real life. That’s your life.
You won’t materialize within the space of your self without you being you, in your self, regardless of what your self is like, regardless of all of its lack and its imperfection. You have what self you have and it’s an inherited package. You have that to materialize you in.
You’ve already directly awakened to that. You’ve already seen it. You knew it. You experienced it. You moved in it. It was purely magical and wondrous to you. So now that you know the difference, now that you know the difference between you and your self, now that you have really known you, love that you know instead of doubting what you know.
When you love what you know, you fill with joy. When you doubt what you know, you fill with emptiness.
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