JdR Podcast 382
Beyond Pain and Disability: What is True Healing?
Bed-ridden, in great pain for many years and with a lifetime of abuse behind her, this woman feels stuck in her healing process. Their conversation shifts the focus away from healing to what really matters in this life that is process-free – and that naturally engages all healing.
"There’s nothing that needs to heal so that you can be what you really are. There’s nothing that needs to change first."
—John de Ruiter
With John de Ruiter from the May 17, 2020, Interactive Live Stream
Q: I found your videos on YouTube about three or four years ago. I’ve been bed-ridden for about seven years. I had hoped that I would be able to heal this condition that I created myself that was so painful, through learning how to just be absorbed into my being. For the last two and a half years I’ve been bringing up emotions; I started with emotions, because I had lived a life of abuse in all my life, through my childhood and my marriage. I opened up to learning how to bring up all this stuff from my unconscious, and it’s very physically painful. I’m asking you as of today, am I making any progress? I’m in horrific pain. Sometimes I can feel that it’s fear. Sometimes I don’t know what it is, and I think I’m going through this process, it’s taking so long and I wonder if I’m stuck, so can you help me out?
John: First, you don’t need to be in any such process. You don’t need to heal. Nothing needs to change. There isn’t anything there for you to address. That’s first.
John: When you are in no such process, you relax. It’s you engaging a process of any kind, including the process of healing, the process of being freed, that keeps you from relaxing.
Q: You can tell that I’m being very engaged in a process. Is that what you’re trying to point out to me huh?
John: That’s the nature of our genetic self and the world. There’s no meaning to our selves. There’s no meaning to the world without a process engaged.
The self relates to a process because the ability of the self is to be in process, which is what’s necessary for functionality. But it’s not necessary for you, for what you really are. For you to be what you really are, functionality in your self isn’t needed. There’s no process of any kind that’s needed.
John: You are free to be what you really are without engaging any healing first.
Q: I think I understand that.
John: You being what you really are engages all healing, but you can’t be what you really are to engage healing. That’s you being your self, trying to engage what you really are so that you can heal – for your self.
When you die, this process that you’re in is over. You are going to die. Your process is going to be over. You be what you are after you’ve died while you live. That frees what you really are to be in your self, to be in your life, in the world.
What it is that is there is different from what you’re used to. You’re used to being your self, in your life, in the world. What you really are is lovelier than all of that. You be what you are after you’ve died while you live. It’s process-free. There’s nothing that needs to heal so that you can be what you really are. There’s nothing that needs to change first. There’s nothing in all of your self and in all of your life for you to address first.
What this means is you’re not able to do anything for you to be. That ends your process, which frees you to then engage a process for reasons of functionality, but no longer for you. Heal so that you can get out of bed and do things. Don’t heal for you. It’s not real.
Q: Don’t heal for me: you don’t mean me, awareness, you mean me the self?
John: Both. Don’t heal for your self, and also don’t heal for you. Healing for you takes you away from you. Healing for your self also takes you away from you. What matters first is you: not your self, not your sense of self, not your sense of individuality, but you, what you really are, what you are after you’ve died. That matters. It matters for you to be what you really are without the use of anything, without a process, without you addressing something or changing something.
Q: I guess that’s a challenge because my life is such a mess because I don’t have anyone in my life except somebody who brings me food. I’m not even being able to take care of my self, so …
John: Your life, then, is about your mess.
John: That’s not real. The only thing that is first real is that all life is about what you really are. Life isn’t about your self. Life isn’t about your experience. Life isn’t about your self. You weren’t born to be in such life. You were born to be what you really are in all of this life. You being that is you being in your innocence.
As soon as you seek healing for you or for your self, you leave your innocence. You leave being what is fundamentally real and nurturing, and you’re looking to heal so that you can be in the nurture again. You being functional in the way that you would like to be isn’t going to nurture you.
The only thing that nurtures you is you being what you really are, and that doesn’t come through the use of anything. That, you come into by virtue of a fundamental level of relaxation: the kind, the depth, of relaxation that you come into as you near sleep. You may go to sleep so that you can heal, but as you actually near sleep, your focus of healing is gone. You don’t actually come into sleep for any objective reason. It’s natural to you. The way that you fall asleep is by you, without the use of anything that you’re used to, relaxing.
Q: Are there hints or something you could give me to, as I’m sure you’re probably aware, there’s times I can relax but it’s a contraction, obviously it’s been my problem for a long, long, long time, and since I’ve been listening to you I think I’ve relaxed more. However…
John: That’s good.
Q: There’s a lot more for me to go in relaxation?
John: Yes. You’re going to get there. You are going to relax completely, forever, when you die.
Q: When I die?
John: Yes! You were born to be that in life. Relax before you die. Relax for real before you die.
Q: I’m trusting that your words will sink in maybe a little later on, or when I can re-watch this video again; you know my head is saying I’m missing something, I’m not hearing it very well, so I’m just going to …
John: Your head isn’t going to get it!
Q: Yeah, the head doesn’t need to get it.
John: If you had broken bones, you would still fall asleep. You would still relax sufficiently enough to leave behind all of your form, and for you to rest into sleep. Pain doesn’t prevent you from being what you really are. Nothing prevents you. It’s only you buying into something – pain, disability, your past, stories – that prevents you from being what you really are.
Q: That helped.
Bye for now.
Q: Thank you, John.
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