JdR Podcast 349
Why a Relationship Won't Make You Complete
This man has had vivid experiences on his spiritual journey but it has taken a lot of energy. He feels disconnected from everyday things, making difficult even his wish to find a partner. John shows him where the problem lies, how to be with his spiritual experiences, and how to become ready for a real relationship.
"Know how to be planted in what is deeply, quietly real within, before you try to grow together with someone else."
—John de Ruiter
With John de Ruiter from the May 24, 2018, Poleg Beach, Israel Event
Q: In the past two years, since I started my spiritual journey, I had a lot of phenomena, like images, visions, astral projections, entities, aliens, whatever.
John: That’s good.
Q: But in another sense it’s really tiring. I feel it’s taking a lot of energy from me and I’m a lot of times trying to …
John: Then you’re giving something to that that doesn’t belong to that. You’re empowering those experiences in a way that your power doesn’t belong to those experiences. Your power belongs to what you directly know and see in those experiences. Dream dreams, have visions. Believe none of it. Believe everything that you directly know the truth of in them. It’s the knowing in it and the seeing in it that’s everything.
Q: And on a more personal level I’m now at a stage in my life where I’m looking for a partner. I find it difficult to find a girlfriend. A lot of times I find I have really strong higher connections, but all the everyday things of life just don’t happen, like meeting, drinking coffee, making love – these kind of things. But on the other hand there is a higher connection of something from here (he puts his hand on his heart).
John: Then this is also similar to how you’ve spoken of your experiences. Within your experiences, you’re mixed. There’s the real truth, the real seeing, but there’s also a movement of power that you give to those experiences that isn’t real. There’s something real in those experiences and there’s something that’s not real, and you’re not seeing the difference. And with the possibility of you having a relationship there is the real, and there is also something that’s not real and you’re, again, not seeing the difference.
Q: So how can I start seeing?
John: By not having a relationship, and dealing first with how you are in your experiences, how you are within your own interior, before you start to seriously connect with someone else’s interior. Know how to be planted in what is deeply, quietly real within, before you try to grow together with someone else.
Q: Somewhere inside I have a really deep belief that it’s really connected, that unless I find a partner I won’t be able to spiritually progress.
John: It’s not true. You don’t need a relationship. You don’t need a relationship for you to be what you really are. You don’t need a relationship for you to flourish in your being, and as a being, in all of your life.
Q: There is something really liberating about that phrase, but also really a lot of fear that nothing outside would never make me happy.
John: Nothing outside will ever make you happy. Happiness comes from your inner garden. It doesn’t come from someone else. It doesn’t come from a relationship. It doesn’t come from being in love. It doesn’t come from sharing your heart and your life. It comes from your deepest heart – you in it – which is the door to your being. When that’s your life, then you’ll know how to be in relationship.
When you are in your inner garden, it means that you’re living by your deepest heart, and your deepest heart is the door to what is even deeper. It’s the door to your being. So, when you live your life by your deepest heart and your being, and that that’s what you’re coming from and moving as, in all of your life, you’ll know how to be in that level of relationship. You’ll know how to be in real relationship, being to being.
The self that you bring with you into a relationship is what you’ll turn the relationship into. It doesn’t matter what your intentions are. It’s what you are being in your self, throughout your days when you’re not in relationship. That defines the kind of relationship you’re able to have.
Q: Thank you.
John: You’ll attract someone to you who’s of the same level of self that you are, and that won’t make for the kind of relationship that you would like. Live your deepest, most quiet, inner garden, all of your days. Live your quiet, inner garden every day, in every circumstance, for six months. And after six months be open for a relationship. You’ll be a completely different person. That’s you living being your awakening, instead of you living being someone who has awakened.
It doesn’t matter how much you have awakened. What matters is how much you are being what you have awakened to. You don’t need a relationship. You need for your inner garden to absolutely have you, take you and master you.
Q: Okay. See you in six months!
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